BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE DEMOGRAPHICS FROM 1990 TO 2020

Explore a 6.5 band score IELTS essay sample analyzing the age demographic data of Iceland from 1990-2020. Discover trends in population distribution, shifts in young adults' percentage, and changes in the number of children and elderly. A valuable resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The graph presents data from the amount of people's age in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. It can clearly be seen that the young adults made the main part of population in 1990 , 2000, 2010 and 2020 . To begin with , in Iceland individuals between 25-54 years old were more than 30% in 1990 and this amount increased sharply until 2020. In 2020 people from 25 to 54 built about 50% of community. On the other hand the percentage of population from 55 to more than 65 stay nearly constant within 1990 to 2020. secondly , the number of children decreased from 1990 to 2020 . There were more than 25% in 1990 and they dropped in less than 20% in 2020. In addition , the percentage of youngsters from 15 to 24 was also fell from 1990 until 2020 . It reduced from more than 20% to under 10% in 2020.
Words: 154Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:52 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with paragraph transitions and the logical flow of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Maintain consistent use of tenses to avoid confusion and enhance readability.
  • Use linking words and phrases to improve the transition between paragraphs and ideas, such as 'furthermore', 'in contrast', and 'as a result'.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity and coherence.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some repetition and inaccuracies. It uses simple words and phrases to describe the data and lacks variety in word choice. There are occasional errors in word formation and word choice, which can affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'percentage' with 'proportion' or 'share' in some instances.
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe data and trends, such as 'proportion', 'segment', or 'demographic'. This will help avoid repetition and enhance precision.
  • Incorporate more complex vocabulary and phrases to describe changes and trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'remained stable', or 'experienced a decline'.
  • Correct inaccuracies in word choice and formation, such as replacing 'amount of people's age' with 'age distribution' or 'age groups' to improve clarity.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are instances of grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence variety by combining some sentences to enhance flow and coherence.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'the young adults made the main part of the population' should be 'the young adults made up the main part of the population.'
  • Use consistent tense, e.g., 'the percentage of youngsters from 15 to 24 was also fell' should be 'also fell.'
  • Pay attention to article usage, e.g., 'the amount of people's age' should be 'the age distribution of people.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the age distribution in Iceland from 1990 to 2020, focusing on the main age groups. It identifies the 25-54 age group as the largest and notes changes in other groups. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons, which are crucial for fully achieving the task.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the introduction by stating the purpose of the graph and summarizing the main trends.
  • Make more detailed comparisons between different age groups and years to highlight trends and changes.
  • Ensure the description of trends is precise, such as specifying whether changes are gradual or sharp.
  • Include specific data points from the graph to support statements, such as the exact percentage for each age group in each year.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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