Help us improve!Share your feedback and help make IELTS CHAMP better for everyone.

Leave Feedback

BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE DATA FROM 1990 TO 2020

Discover our IELTS essay sample with a Band 6.5 score. Detailed analysis of Iceland's population distribution from 1990-2020. Gain insights into writing about population trends, age groups and their fluctuations over time. Perfect for IELTS aspirants looking for samples.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given bar chart illustrates the percentages of different ages of the residents of Iceland from 1990 to 2020. Overall, the people in the age 25-54 had an upward trend, while the other groups from varied ages had some fluctuations during the period. In 1990, nearly a third of the total of the population aged from 24-54 and this figure reached its peak to just under half of the total in 2020. by contrast, the percentage of the people aged 0-14 stood at just under 30% in 1990 and experienced a marked decline to roughly 10 % in 2020. The young group of 15-24, which comprised close to a fifth of the total population in Iceland in 1990, plunged to approximately 8% in 2020. In 1990, the 55-64 age group and 65 and over were about 10% and 12%, respectively. The former fell modestly to 10% and the latter remained unchanged in 2020.
Words: 153Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 07:14 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data and makes relevant comparisons between different age groups over the specified period. However, the logical flow and connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and organization.
  • Consider summarizing key points at the end of the essay to reinforce the main trends and comparisons.
  • Use more linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'similarly.'
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between different data points; instead, use transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some precise word choices like "upward trend," "marked decline," and "plunged." However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision, such as using "varied ages" instead of "different age groups." The essay could benefit from more varied expressions and synonyms to avoid repetition, such as replacing "figure" with "proportion" or "percentage."

Recommendations:

  • Replace 'varied ages' with 'different age groups' for clearer expression.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe data changes, such as 'rise,' 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fall,' and 'drop.'
  • Incorporate synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'proportion' instead of 'percentage' where appropriate.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures further to enhance readability and engagement.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as changing 'people in the age 25-54 had an upward trend' to 'the percentage of people aged 25-54 showed an upward trend.'
  • Use consistent tense, as in 'this figure reached its peak to just under half' should be 'this figure reached its peak at just under half.'
  • Correct preposition usage, such as 'a marked decline to roughly 10 %' should be 'a marked decline to roughly 10%.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of the age distribution of Iceland's population from 1990 to 2020, highlighting trends and changes in various age groups. It accurately identifies the main trends, such as the increase in the 25-54 age group and the decline in younger age groups.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific data points or comparisons for the 55-64 and 65+ age groups to enhance clarity.
  • Ensure all age group data is covered for each year to provide a complete overview.
  • Avoid minor inaccuracies, such as stating 'nearly a third' when it was closer to a quarter in 1990 for the 25-54 age group.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
Grade Your Essay