BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION PROJECTIONS BY SECTOR FOR 2040 AND 2060

Discover IELTS essay sample showcasing pie charts comparison on global production in different sectors in 2040 and 2060. Detailed analysis on sectors like Services, Manufacturing, Info-com Tech, Energy, Agriculture, and Materials. Ideal for Band 6.5 IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

This pie charts illustrates the global production in different sections in 2040 and 2060. In an overview, we can see that Services have the biggest share in both 2040 and 2060. It is also obvious that Manufacture is in second place in both charts in 2040 and 2060. In 2040, Services have the maximum part by 40 percent, followed by Manufacturing with 31 percent and then Info-com Tech by 15 percent. In the fourth place, we can see Energy with 7 percent of the share followed by Agriculture and Materials with 4 and 3 percent respectively. The second chart, shows the same information in 2040, in the year 2060. again we have Services and Manufacture as the leaders of the chart with 41 and 33 percent. We can see 1 percent increase in Services and 2 percent in Manufacture. in the third place, there is Info-Com Tech with 16 percent followed by Energu by 5 percent of the share. Agriculture and Materials will replace in 2060 with 4 and 1 percent respectively.
Words: 172Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 03:06 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a clear structure and logical flow, with each paragraph focusing on specific data from the charts. However, there are some issues with transitions and consistency that affect overall coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in the use of terminology, such as 'Manufacture' vs. 'Manufacturing,' to avoid confusion.
  • Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance flow. Use linking words like 'additionally,' 'however,' or 'in contrast' to connect ideas smoothly.
  • Clarify the comparison between the two years by explicitly stating the changes rather than implying them, to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'illustrates,' 'share,' and 'percent.' However, some words and phrases are repeated frequently, such as 'Services,' 'Manufacture,' and 'percent,' which limits the lexical variety. There are a few instances of inaccurate word choices, such as 'illustrates' instead of 'illustrate,' and 'Energu' instead of 'Energy.' The overall vocabulary is appropriate but lacks sophistication and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure correct spelling and word forms, such as 'illustrate' instead of 'illustrates' and 'Energy' instead of 'Energu.'
  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, use 'sector' or 'industry' instead of repeatedly using 'Services' and 'Manufacture.'
  • Use more precise language to describe changes and comparisons, such as 'increase,' 'rise,' 'decline,' or 'fall.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors in punctuation and sentence construction. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but errors occasionally hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures by incorporating more complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Improve punctuation by using commas correctly, especially after introductory phrases and clauses.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'pie charts illustrate' instead of 'pie charts illustrates.'
  • Use consistent tense throughout, ensuring that verb forms match the time frame being described.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060. It identifies the main sectors and their respective shares, focusing on Services and Manufacturing as the leading sectors. The essay includes specific percentage figures for each sector in both years and notes changes in their shares.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the introduction clearly paraphrases the task prompt and includes a brief summary of the main trends.
  • Conclude with a summary of the main findings, emphasizing the overall trends or notable shifts in sector production.
  • Include more detailed comparisons between the two years, highlighting significant changes or trends beyond just percentage changes.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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