BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS IN CANADA FROM 1960-2015

Explore our IELTS essay sample scoring 6.5, revealing Canadians' takeaway food preferences and the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960-2015. Uncover insightful data with detailed analysis on food consumption trends in Canada.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given pie chart illustrates the proportion of takeaways food consumed by Canadian while the line graph gives information about changes in the number of Indian restaurants in Canada over the period from 1960 to 2015. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that in Canada, people favor Chine food the most and the number of Indian restaurants increased over the period. As can be seen on the pie chart, China food accounted for the highest percentage of food taken away by Canadian with 34%, followed by Indian food with 26%. The figure for Italian food was about as high as Persian food, standing at nearly 10%. 11% of Canadian had never order takeaway food while the proportion of Thai food was only 3%, three times higher than that of Mexican, Japanese and Greek food. The consumption of other cuisine contributed for about 4%. Looking at the details of the line graph, in 1960, there was only about 100 Indian restaurants in Canada. After that, The figure rose steadily to about 9000 in 2009 before slightly decreased during the last 6 years of the period.
Words: 186Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 01:11 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and detailed analysis. It effectively uses linking words to connect ideas, such as 'Overall,' 'As can be seen,' and 'Looking at the details.' However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly when moving between descriptions of the pie chart and the line graph. The separation of ideas is generally clear, but more explicit comparisons could enhance cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
  • Use more varied linking phrases to improve the flow between sections, such as 'In contrast' or 'Similarly.'
  • Make more explicit comparisons between the two charts to enhance cohesion and highlight relationships.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with appropriate use of terms related to food and statistical data. However, there are some areas where word choice and phrasing could be refined to enhance clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied adjectives and adverbs to describe trends, such as 'significantly' or 'markedly' increased.
  • Use consistent terminology, such as 'Chinese food' instead of 'Chine food.'
  • Refine phrases for clarity, e.g., replace 'contributed for about 4%' with 'accounted for about 4%'.
  • Vary sentence structures to avoid repetition, such as 'the figure for Italian food was similar to Persian food' instead of 'about as high as.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, but there are some errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent verb forms, such as 'decreased' instead of 'slightly decreased.'
  • Ensure consistent use of articles, e.g., 'the Chinese food' instead of 'Chine food.'
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Canadians' instead of 'Canadian' when referring to people collectively.
  • Use prepositions correctly, such as 'contributed to' instead of 'contributed for.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the pie chart and line graph, effectively highlighting the main trends. It accurately identifies that Chinese food is the most favored takeaway and notes the significant increase in Indian restaurants over the period. The essay includes specific data points from both the pie chart and line graph, such as the percentages of different types of takeaways and the growth in the number of Indian restaurants. However, it could benefit from more detailed comparisons and analysis of the trends, particularly in relation to the increase in Indian restaurants and its possible connection to the popularity of Indian food.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of terms, such as 'Chinese' instead of 'Chine,' and correct minor grammatical errors to improve clarity.
  • Include more detailed comparisons between the data sets, such as exploring potential reasons for the rise in Indian restaurants in relation to the popularity of Indian food.
  • Provide a more detailed analysis of the implications of the data, such as the cultural or economic factors that might influence these trends.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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