BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND COMPARISON OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION PROJECTIONS FOR 2040 AND 2060

Explore our detailed IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample analyzing the projected production of various sectors in 2040 and 2060. Learn key insights about the dominance of Services and Manufacturing, the growth of Info-Com Tech, and the decline in Energy and Agriculture.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts illustrate the estimated production of six various sectors(Services, Energy, Manufacturing, Agriculture, Materials and Info-Com Tech in 2040 and 2060. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that Services will be the main contributor to world's production, while Agricultural industry expected to generate the smallest portion of the whole world in both years. In 2040, Services and Manufacturing will made up two thirds of chart with the proportion of 40% and 31%. It is also noticeable that, the figures for these two contributors will expected roughly equal with 41% and 33%, respectively. The third highest projected production will be Info-Com Tech with 15% and 16%, in 2040 and 2060. The remained sectors will be correlated to 15% , while these will witnessed a decline of 5% in next twenty years in favor of three other dominated ones. To elaborate, the percentage of produce in Energy industry will decrease by 2% from 7%. Hence, the crops prodction will fall from 4% to 1%.
Words: 166Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 12:39 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, it lacks clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt, making it difficult to follow the argument smoothly.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary repetition of information to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas by organizing information in a more coherent sequence.
  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however', 'in addition', 'similarly') to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different sections of the essay, such as the introduction, overview, and detailed comparisons.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances of incorrect word forms and awkward phrasing. Some terms are repeated, and there is a need for more variety in expression.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary, such as 'forecast' instead of 'estimated' and 'output' instead of 'production.'
  • Use correct word forms, such as 'will make up' instead of 'will made up'.
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms, especially for words like 'production' and 'contributor.'
  • Ensure collocations are used correctly, such as 'the figures for these two contributors are expected to be roughly equal.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure clarity, e.g., 'the crops production' should be 'crop production.'
  • Correct verb tense usage, e.g., 'will expected' should be 'are expected.'
  • Use articles appropriately, e.g., 'the world's production' instead of 'world's production.'
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing, e.g., 'these will witnessed a decline' should be 'these are expected to witness a decline.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Services and Manufacturing will made up' should be 'Services and Manufacturing will make up.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay effectively describes the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060, highlighting key features and making relevant comparisons. It identifies Services as the leading sector and Agriculture as the smallest contributor, which aligns with the data provided in the charts.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid minor grammatical errors, such as "will made up" instead of "will make up" and "will expected" instead of "are expected." This will improve clarity and professionalism.
  • Ensure accuracy in reporting data. Correct the statement "the figures for these two contributors will expected roughly equal" to reflect the actual differences in percentages.
  • Clarify the correlation of the remaining sectors to 15% and the 5% decline. Specify which sectors are included and how their contributions change.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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