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BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING NEWS ACCESS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Explore our Band 6.0 IELTS essay samples! Our page provides an insightful analysis of how people from Canada and Australia consume news. Discover the popularity of television and online news browsing in these countries, and the relatively minor role of radio and newspapers. Helpful for IELTS preparation and understanding global media trends.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The two pie charts demonstrate the news obtaining process in two region, Canada and Australia. It is clear that accessing the news by watching tv and browsing online are more popular among people in both countries. In contrast, radio, newspaper, and other alternatives had the small proportion of getting news. Tv is one of the most admired ways of obtaining news in Canada which has the biggest proportion of 40% in comparison Australia which browsing the news online has a significant majority of 52%. likewise, the percentage of usage of internet in Canada in comparison to watching tv in order to get the daily news is roughly 35% almost the same. Although radio and printed news have a significant minority of accessing news in two countries, the proportion of printed news in Canada is twice as much as Australia of 14%. In the same manner, the rate of demands for news by radio in Australia is almost one-third less than Canada which experienced 7%.
Words: 164Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 04:27 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents information on how people access news in Canada and Australia, focusing on TV, online, radio, and print sources. It attempts to compare these methods between the two countries, highlighting the popularity of TV and online news access.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay smoothly.
  • Ensure clear paragraph structure. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point.
  • Clarify comparisons by using consistent phrasing and structure to avoid confusion.
  • Use varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and improve clarity.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to enhance logical flow between sentences and ideas.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'accessing,' 'browsing,' 'proportion,' and 'admired.' However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise or varied, and some phrases are slightly awkward or repetitive. For example, 'news obtaining process' could be more naturally expressed as 'methods of obtaining news.'

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex and less common lexical items to demonstrate a higher range of vocabulary.
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data and comparisons, such as 'methods' instead of 'process.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing, like using 'means' or 'channels' instead of repeating 'ways' and 'proportion.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and comparative structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent tense and aspect throughout the essay.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'two region' should be 'two regions.'
  • Use correct comparative forms, e.g., 'in comparison Australia which browsing' should be 'in comparison to Australia, where browsing.'
  • Pay attention to article usage, e.g., 'watching tv' should be 'watching TV.'
  • Improve sentence structure, e.g., 'the rate of demands for news by radio in Australia is almost one-third less than Canada which experienced 7%' could be clearer as 'the demand for news by radio in Australia is almost one-third less than that in Canada, which is 7%.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the main trends in accessing news in Canada and Australia, identifying TV and online sources as the most popular methods. It mentions specific percentages for different news sources, highlighting key comparisons between the two countries.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language and structure for clarity, such as avoiding phrases like 'significant majority' without clear context.
  • Ensure all data is accurately represented. For example, clarify that TV is 37% in Australia, not the 'biggest proportion,' which is online at 52%.
  • Include all categories from the chart, such as 'Not specified,' which is omitted in the essay.
  • Make more explicit comparisons between the two countries, such as directly contrasting the differences in online news consumption.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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