BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING LEISURE ACTIVITIES OF TOURISTS IN GREECE - AUGUST 2019 ANALYSIS

Explore our IELTS essay sample on tourists' free-time activities in Greece during August 2019. Our Band 6.0 score analysis delves into how tourists from China, America, Turkey and Brazil distributed their leisure time between beach enjoyment, reading, and sightseeing. Discover detailed insights about each nationality's preferences in this comprehensive study.

Writing Task

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar graph gives information about the number of hours that are spent on free-time acitivities by tourists from China, America, Turkey and Brazil while on holiday in Greece in August 2019. These activities include spending time at the beach, reading books and visiting places, Overall, there was a difference in the number of hours that tourists spent doing leisure activities. Reading books is spent most hours by Chinese and American tourists while Turkish and Brazillian tourists prefer enjoying the beach. Visiting places in Greece has the fewest hours which was spent by all tourists from 4 different countries. Firstly, Chinese tourists spent most of their free time on reading books, with 8 hours per day. Only 3 hours was spent on enjoying the beach. Visiting places has the fewest spending hours, which 1 hour each day. For Amercian tourists, they spent 4 hours at the beach, 5 hours reading books and 3 hours visiting places. Tourists from Turley spent 5 hours per day at the beach, which is much higher than reading books. Reading books is spent for 4 hours, which is for both Turkish and Brazilian tourists, The fewest hours was spent on visiting places, with 3 and 2 hours by Turkish and Brazillian tourists respectively. Tourists from Brazil also preferred spending their time at the beach for 6 hours, which is highest number of hours was spent at the beach.
Words: 233Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 04:44 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides a structured overview of the data, with clear divisions between different tourist groups and their activities. There is a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific group of tourists. However, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing, and there are a few inconsistencies in tense and word choice that disrupt the flow.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing similar ideas.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure consistent use of tense and correct word forms to improve clarity.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitions that affect clarity and precision. Terms like "free-time activities" and "spending hours" can be refined for better expression. The essay uses some varied vocabulary, such as "leisure activities" and "enjoying the beach," but lacks more sophisticated lexical choices. Additionally, there are spelling errors such as "acitivities" and "Brazillian," which detract from the overall lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision, such as 'allocate time' instead of 'spend time.'
  • Improve accuracy by correcting spelling errors like 'acitivities' to 'activities' and 'Brazillian' to 'Brazilian.'
  • Use varied expressions to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'spending time' with 'engaging in' or 'participating in.'
  • Ensure correct use of phrases, such as 'number of hours spent' instead of 'hours was spent.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors affecting clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Correct minor spelling errors, e.g., 'Brazillian' should be 'Brazilian.'
  • Improve the use of passive voice, e.g., 'hours was spent' should be 'hours were spent.'
  • Ensure consistent use of tense, e.g., 'is spent' should be 'was spent' to maintain past tense consistency.
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the fewest spending hours' should be 'the fewest hours spent.'
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, e.g., 'Reading books is spent most hours' should be 'Reading books is the activity on which most hours are spent.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of the bar graph showing leisure activities of tourists from four countries in Greece. It identifies key trends, such as preferences for reading or beach activities, and provides specific data points for each group. However, it lacks a clear summary of the main features and could benefit from more structured comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Use more structured comparisons between the different groups to highlight differences and similarities effectively.
  • Clarify the description of activities to ensure they match the data presented in the graph.
  • Include a clear summary of the main trends or features in the introduction or conclusion to provide a comprehensive overview.
  • Ensure all data points mentioned are accurate and consistently reported to avoid confusion.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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