BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA & AUSTRALIA

Explore our IELTS essay sample scoring 6.0, comparing news access methods in Canada and Australia. Discover why online platforms lead in Australia and TV dominates in Canada, along with data on print and unspecified news sources. Great resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts illustrate different accessing to news in two country which have used by people in Canada and Australia. It is clear that the highest access for Australian people belongs to the online applications contains for 52% , and the highest percent of using news access contains the TV programs in Canada. By contrast the lowest percent of following news in Canada has not specified for 3% , and for Australian people only 2% which contains the not specified items and radio . Another higher percent of people who have access to the news is for 36% online watching news by Canadian people , and 37% for Austrian. residents who have access to the news by newspaper or other printing items have contained 14% of Canada and 7% of Australia. overall, people in this two countries have different accesses to the news items. for Austrian people 52% is the highest access to online and 40% for Canada on TV programes.
Words: 161Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 06:26 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to compare ways of accessing news in Canada and Australia, but it lacks clear organization and logical progression. The ideas are not well-connected, and there are abrupt shifts between sentences and paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by rephrasing similar ideas.
  • Ensure logical progression by using linking words and phrases, such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' and 'similarly.'
  • Group similar ideas together to improve flow and coherence.
  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words. However, there are frequent inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data, such as 'percentage' instead of 'percent' and 'proportion' instead of 'contains.'
  • Incorporate linking words and phrases to enhance coherence, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' and 'whereas.'
  • Use more specific adjectives to describe data, such as 'predominant' or 'minimal,' to convey meaning more effectively.
  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'access' and 'contains,' to improve lexical variety.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors that affect clarity and coherence. Issues include incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, 'The pie charts illustrate different accessing to news in two country' should be 'The pie charts illustrate different ways of accessing news in two countries.'

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure for clarity, e.g., 'another higher percent of people who have access to the news is for 36%' can be rewritten as 'another significant portion of people accessing news is 36%.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'for Australian people' should be 'for Australian people.'
  • Vary sentence structures, combining simple and complex sentences for better flow.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'country which have used' should be 'countries which are used.'
  • Use correct verb forms, e.g., 'contains for 52%' should be 'accounts for 52%.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the task by describing the main features of the pie charts comparing news access methods in Canada and Australia. However, it lacks clarity and precision in some areas and includes inaccuracies.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a more concise and clear overview in the introduction and conclusion, summarizing the key trends and comparisons.
  • Ensure that comparisons are clearly made between the two countries, highlighting similarities and differences effectively.
  • Avoid inaccuracies, such as confusing 'Austrian' with 'Australian,' and ensure all details are relevant and correctly interpreted.
  • Clearly state the purpose of the pie charts and summarize the main features accurately, such as the specific percentages for each category.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay