BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY - 2015 VS 2040 PREDICTIONS

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a Band 6.0 score, discussing energy capacity predictions from 2015 to 2040. The essay provides insights on the rise of renewable energies like solar and wind, as well as the decline of fossil fuels. An excellent resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied pie charts illustrate the comparison between the energy capacity of year 2015 and the prediction of year 2040 and they are measured in gigawatts (GW). Overall, it is immediately apparent that while the fossil fuels capacity will decrease, the capacity of energies such as solar energy and wind energy will experience increaments. With regard to the fossil fuels energy and the other renewable energies that form the major part of the charts, it is predicted that the fossil fuels capacity will witness a decline of 20% from 2015 to 2040. However, the capacity of other renewable energies will remain almost the same and its decrement will be negliable. Turning to solar, nuclear, and wind energies, which form lower stock of the pie charts, solar energy capacity is predicted that will see a nine times increase and will jump to 18% in 2040. there will be a noticeable rise in the capacity of wind energy and it will soar from 5% to 12% throughout the project. The nuclear energy is forecasted that will remain the same over the 25 years from 2015 and 2040.
Words: 185Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:36 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion by logically organizing information and using linking words. However, there are areas where clarity and flow can be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing, such as 'solar energy capacity is predicted that will see a nine times increase.' Consider rephrasing for clarity.
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain cohesion. For example, ensure predictions are consistently in the future tense.
  • Use more varied linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of repeating 'it is predicted,' consider using 'it is anticipated' or 'it is expected.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. For instance, the paragraph discussing solar, nuclear, and wind energies could be split into separate points for clarity.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to energy and predictions, but there are several inaccuracies and repetitions that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'capacity' with synonyms like 'output' or 'generation.'
  • Correct spelling errors, such as 'increaments' to 'increments' and 'neglible' to 'negligible.'
  • Include more precise terms related to energy, like 'renewable energy sources' or 'non-renewable energy,' to enhance specificity.
  • Improve word choice for clarity, such as using 'remain constant' instead of 'remain the same' for more precise descriptions.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay uses a variety of grammatical structures, but there are several errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity. The writer attempts complex sentences but often struggles with correct verb forms and agreement, which can hinder comprehension.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid awkward phrasing. 'Turning to solar, nuclear, and wind energies, which form lower stock of the pie charts' could be clearer as 'Regarding solar, nuclear, and wind energies, which constitute a smaller portion of the charts.'
  • Use correct verb forms and agreement. For example, 'increaments' should be 'increments' and 'neglible' should be 'negligible.'
  • Improve sentence structure for clarity. For instance, 'solar energy capacity is predicted that will see a nine times increase' should be 'it is predicted that solar energy capacity will increase ninefold.'
  • Use consistent tense and structure in predictions. For example, 'The nuclear energy is forecasted that will remain' should be 'It is forecasted that nuclear energy will remain.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of the changes in energy capacity between 2015 and 2040, highlighting key trends such as the decrease in fossil fuels and the increase in solar and wind energy. It adequately mentions the percentages and changes for each energy type, fulfilling the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of terminology, such as 'decrease' instead of 'decrement,' for better coherence.
  • Provide a clearer summary or conclusion at the end to encapsulate the main trends and changes.
  • Include more specific data from the pie charts, such as the exact percentages for each energy type in both years, to enhance clarity and precision.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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