BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING SURVEY RESULTS ON REASONS FOR MOVING TO A CAPITAL CITY

Explore our Band 6.0 IELTS essay sample analyzing migration patterns to a capital city from 2000-2015. Uncover insights on how reasons like employment, study, family/friends, and adventure impacted migration trends in this comprehensive review. Perfect for IELTS preparation and learning.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The line chart illustrates data, extracted from a questionnaire regarding the people's initiatives for migrating toward the the capital city of the given country, between 2000 to 2015. Overall, the employment and study experienced a steep rise, while the family/Friend and adventure slightly increased in the same time interval. Turning to the chart, he employment and study almost doubled from 200 to 2005, and met reached approximately 90000 and 50000, respectively. On the other hand, the family/friend and adventure reasons remained constant in the same window, kept the value of roughly more than 10000. Between 2005 and 2010, the family/Friend been more popular and faced a considerable increment by reaching from 10000 to more than 20000, while ad adventure maintained its trend. At the same time, the employment and study had an increment but with less slope and increased in the margin of 10000. In the end, study had an abrupt growth from 2010 to 2015 and the ultimate value almost tripled respecting to its initial value of 25000. In contrast to the study, employment was not appeal to the hordes of the people and declined almost a tenth. The family/friend and adventure, had no particular fluctuation in the same period and rest on a little more than 20000 and 10000, respectively.
Words: 212Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 02:39 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents data on reasons for moving to a capital city, with a focus on employment, study, family/friends, and adventure. It organizes the information chronologically and uses linking words to connect ideas. However, there are some inconsistencies in cohesion and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and avoid repetition.
  • Ensure consistent use of linking words to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Clarify relationships between data points to enhance understanding.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms like 'illustrates,' 'initiatives,' and 'increment.' However, there are instances of repetition and some misuse of words that slightly hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions, such as 'significant' instead of 'considerable.'
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'the family/Friend and adventure.' Use synonyms or rephrase to maintain reader interest.
  • Ensure correct usage of words and phrases. For example, 'he employment' should be 'the employment,' and 'rest on' should be 'remained at.'
  • Use more precise language to describe data trends. For example, 'experienced a steep rise' could be 'saw a significant increase.'

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Correct article usage, e.g., 'the the capital city' should be 'the capital city'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'he employment and study almost doubled' should be 'employment and study almost doubled'.
  • Use consistent tense, e.g., 'the family/Friend been more popular' should be 'the family/Friend became more popular'.
  • Simplify complex sentences to avoid confusion, e.g., 'the ultimate value almost tripled respecting to its initial value' could be 'the ultimate value almost tripled compared to its initial value.'
  • Fix sentence fragments and run-ons, e.g., 'and met reached approximately' should be 'and reached approximately'.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by summarizing the main trends and changes in the line chart. It identifies key reasons for migration, such as employment, study, family/friends, and adventure, and provides specific data points and comparisons over the given period. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer overview and more precise language to enhance clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language and varied vocabulary to describe changes and trends more effectively.
  • Provide a clearer overall summary of the main trends and changes at the beginning or end of the essay.
  • Ensure accurate and consistent use of data from the chart, avoiding any ambiguity in numbers and trends.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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