BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF ROAD TRANSPORT TRENDS IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore our IELTS essay sample scoring Band 6.0, detailing yearly commuting habits across five European countries - Denmark, France, Italy, UK, and Germany. The essay offers insights into the use of cars, public transport, and bikes, along with the time spent travelling daily. Ideal resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar charts illustrate the data about 5 European countries including Denmark, France, Italy, United kingdom, Germany and Spain using cars or public transport and bike for commuting each year and how much time they spend in commuting each day. overall, in average people in this five countries travel by their car more than travel by public transport and bike. . more over the un and Germany spend the most time in commuting each day. Denmark is the most long road trip in both person car and public transport and bike by 12000 kilometer and 3000 kilometer respectively. Although the least country for travel by car is Spain by around 8000 kilometer, the least ones in travel by public transport is France by 1000 kilometer. on the other hand, the uk and germany spend more than 45 minutes in commuting each day while italy by around 20 minutes is accounted the least consuming time.
Words: 154Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 01:52 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides an overview of road transport in five European countries, comparing car, public transport, and bike usage, as well as commuting times. It attempts to summarize key data and make comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of information by ensuring each point adds new insight or comparison.
  • Use more cohesive devices and linking words to connect ideas smoothly (e.g., 'however,' 'in contrast,' 'similarly').
  • Improve the logical flow by organizing information more systematically, such as discussing all aspects of one country before moving to the next.
  • Ensure clear paragraphing to separate different points or aspects of the data being discussed.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are several instances of repetition and incorrect word choices. For example, the use of 'in average' should be 'on average,' and 'un' is likely a typographical error for 'UK.' The essay could benefit from more varied and precise vocabulary to accurately describe the data and trends. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as missing articles and incorrect prepositions.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate linking words to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Correct typographical errors and ensure proper use of articles and prepositions.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data, such as 'kilometers per year' instead of 'kilometer.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that may impede understanding. There is a lack of complex sentences and a reliance on simple sentence structures. For example, in the sentence "overall, in average people in this five countries travel by their car more than travel by public transport and bike," there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect capitalization and punctuation, such as in "more over the un and Germany."

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'on average' instead of 'in average.'
  • Incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'people in these five countries travel' instead of 'people in this five countries travel.'
  • Pay attention to capitalization and punctuation, such as starting sentences with a capital letter and using commas appropriately.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of road transport usage in five European countries, focusing on car and public transport travel distances, as well as daily commuting times. It identifies general trends, such as higher car usage compared to public transport and longer commuting times in the UK and Germany. However, the summary lacks specific data points and detailed comparisons between countries, which are crucial for fully achieving the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the meaning of terms like 'most long road trip' and ensure consistent terminology.
  • Make more detailed comparisons between countries, highlighting differences and similarities in travel patterns.
  • Ensure all countries mentioned in the prompt are covered in the analysis, such as including Spain in more detail.
  • Include specific data points from the charts to support statements, such as exact kilometers traveled by car or public transport for each country.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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