BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF ICELAND'S POPULATION AGEING FROM 1990 TO 2020

Discover our comprehensive Band 6.0 IELTS essay sample analysing the population trends in Iceland from 1990 to 2020 across different age groups, focusing on the high proportion of the 25-54 demographic and the decline in 0-14 and 15-24 age groups. A must-read for IELTS test takers seeking practical examples.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar graph compares the population of Iceland in 5 age groups from 1990 to 2020. it is clear that the proportion of age group 25-54 was the highest among other groups and also it increased over the period. However, the population of people in age brackets 0-14 and 15-24 had decreased. Looking at details, it can be seen the in the beginning of the period, the population of 25-54 years was the highest with around 30% and it rose smoothly and reached just under 50%.By contrast, the population of 0-14 and 15-24 age groups were around 25% and just over 20% respectively. Then they fell down and the 15-24 year was the lowest at the end of the period. Although, the population of people between 55-64 years was higher than people who were over 65 years old, the age group over 65 overtook from 55-64 age group and was the third lowest by the end of the period and reached around 12%.
Words: 163Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 01:03 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay provides an overview of the population distribution in Iceland across different age groups from 1990 to 2020. It highlights the main trends, such as the increase in the 25-54 age group and the decrease in the 0-14 and 15-24 age groups. The essay attempts to compare these trends, but some transitions and connections between ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by providing brief explanations or summaries when shifting between different points or data.
  • Use clear linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'on the other hand.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details.
  • Improve sentence variety by using complex and compound sentences to enhance the flow of information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the data, but there are some areas for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Words like 'population' and 'age group' are repeated frequently, and some phrases can be more precise or varied to enhance clarity and engagement.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking phrases to enhance cohesion, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' to connect ideas more fluidly.
  • Use synonyms or varied expressions for 'population' and 'age group' to avoid repetition, such as 'demographic' or 'cohort.'
  • Incorporate more precise language to describe trends, such as 'increased steadily' instead of 'rose smoothly.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several areas where grammatical accuracy can be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid redundant phrases like 'fell down'; 'fell' is sufficient.
  • Use articles correctly. For example, 'the in the beginning' should be 'at the beginning.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'it increased over the period' should be 'it has increased over the period.'
  • Correct preposition usage. For example, 'overtook from 55-64 age group' should be 'overtook the 55-64 age group.'
  • Ensure proper capitalization at the beginning of sentences. For example, 'it is clear' should be 'It is clear.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a general overview of the population distribution across different age groups in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. It identifies key trends such as the increase in the 25-54 age group and the decrease in the 0-14 and 15-24 age groups. However, it lacks specific data points and detailed comparisons that would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the report.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the language used to describe trends, ensuring it accurately reflects the data presented.
  • Include specific data points for each age group across the years to support the trends discussed.
  • Make more detailed comparisons between age groups, particularly highlighting any significant changes or patterns.
  • Ensure the main features of the graph are fully summarized, including any notable fluctuations or stability in age groups not mentioned.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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