'BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF CANADA'S FAVOURITE TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANT GROWTH FROM 1960-2015'

Discover insights about Canada's favourite international takeaways from our IELTS essay sample with a band 6.0 score. Explore data on Indian, Chinese, Persian, and Italian cuisines popularity and track the growth of Indian restaurants from 1960-2015.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart shows that 60% of the takeaways in Canada are from Indian and Chinese restaurants, respectively 26% and 34%. Next among the popular takeaways are Persian and Italian food which seems to be almost equally favored in Canada by 9% and 10%. Thai food takes only 3% and follows a total of 4% of Other international cuisines. It is clear that Asian food is more popular as Chinese, Indian, Persian, Thai, and Japanese comprise a total of 73% of all takeaway orders in Canada. There are 11% of the people in Canada who never order takeaways. The least favored takeaways are Japanese, Greek, and Mexican each comprising only 1% of all different international cuisines. The bar chart shows the continuous increase in the number of Indian restaurants in Canada from 1960 till 2009, then decreasing slightly in two years and then growing back up between 2011 and 2015.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 09:02 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay generally maintains coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure and clear progression of ideas. The paragraphs are organized, and there is a clear link between the information presented in the pie chart and the bar chart. However, there are areas where the use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance the flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, and transitions between ideas are smooth.
  • Use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' 'Furthermore') to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Provide a more explicit comparison between the data in the pie chart and bar chart to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with appropriate use of terms related to the topic, such as 'takeaways', 'cuisines', and 'comprise'. However, there is room for improvement in using more varied and precise language to convey comparisons and trends.

Recommendations:

  • Include more descriptive adjectives to enhance the description of data, such as 'dominant', 'marginal', or 'noteworthy'.
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'peaked', or 'declined'. This will enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, for example, replace 'takeaways' with 'food orders' or 'cuisine preferences'.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including the use of complex sentences and passive voice. However, there are areas where grammatical precision can be improved to enhance clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistent. For example, in 'which seems to be almost equally favored,' 'seems' should agree with the plural subject 'Persian and Italian food.'
  • Use more complex sentence structures to show a wider range of grammatical ability. For instance, combine shorter sentences to form compound or complex sentences, such as linking the popularity of Asian food with specific statistics.
  • Avoid sentence fragments. The sentence 'Thai food takes only 3% and follows a total of 4% of Other international cuisines.' could be restructured for clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the charts. It accurately describes the main features of the pie chart, noting the popularity of different cuisines and highlighting that Asian food makes up a significant portion of takeaways. The essay also summarizes the trend in the number of Indian restaurants over time, noting the general increase with a slight dip between 2009 and 2011. The essay makes relevant comparisons and presents the information logically.

Recommendations:

  • Briefly explain the significance of the trends observed, such as why Indian cuisine might be popular, to add depth to the analysis.
  • Include more specific data from the bar chart, such as the exact number of restaurants at key points, to strengthen the description.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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