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BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROJECTIONS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR IN 2040 AND 2060

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band score of 5.5. Our analysis of future global trends from 2040 to 2060 provides an in-depth comparison on sectors like services, manufacturing, Info-Com Tech, materials, energy, and agriculture. Ideal study material for IELTS writing preparation.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart illustrates the percentages of plans for worldwide in future in 20 years from 2040 to 2060. Overall, the proportion of projections percentages are divided to six part that 2 of them are more than others. The services and manufacturing percentages with a little bit more go up are the most sector in 20 years ahead. The manufacturing with 31% in 2040 and 33% in 2060, and Services with 40% in 2040 and 41% in 2060 have the significantly more proportion. As we can see, Info-Com Tech in 2040 have 15% and 16% in 2060 which have just one percentage grow from 2040 to 2060. Materials with far less proportion in both 2040 and 2060, just grow up 1 percent. The proportions of Energy with 7% and Agriculture with 4% in 2040, have dropped with 2% and 3% percent respectively. And Agriculture in 2060 will has by far the least proportion.
Words: 153Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 08:38 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay attempts to describe the projected changes in global production sectors from 2040 to 2060 using pie charts. It identifies key sectors and provides some numerical data for comparison. However, the coherence and cohesion are hindered by unclear structure, inconsistent use of linking words, and abrupt transitions.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by varying sentence structures and using synonyms to maintain reader interest.
  • Use more cohesive devices and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas, such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' or 'similarly.'
  • Clarify the relationships between data points with more precise language, ensuring each sentence logically follows the previous one.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect or comparison.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are several instances of incorrect word choices and repetitive language. For example, phrases like "projections percentages" and "plans for worldwide in future" are awkward and unclear. The use of "grow up" instead of "increase" or "rise" is inappropriate for the context. Additionally, the essay lacks variety in expression, frequently using similar terms without exploring synonyms or more precise vocabulary.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure word choice is appropriate for the context, such as using 'increase' instead of 'grow up.'
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'increase,' 'rise,' 'decline,' and 'decrease.'
  • Avoid repetitive language by using synonyms and varying sentence structure.
  • Replace awkward phrases with clearer expressions, such as 'projected percentages' instead of 'projections percentages.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures but contains several errors and inconsistencies. Simple sentences are used more frequently, with limited use of complex structures. There are issues with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Work on article usage to ensure correct application, such as using 'the' appropriately with specific nouns.
  • Review subject-verb agreement rules, particularly with singular and plural nouns, to avoid errors like 'have just one percentage grow' and 'will has by far the least proportion.'
  • Improve verb tense consistency, especially when discussing future projections, to avoid confusion.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay provides an overview of the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060, highlighting key changes in percentages for each sector. The main features are identified, with a focus on the increases in the Services and Manufacturing sectors, and the decreases in Energy and Agriculture. However, the essay lacks clarity and precision in some comparisons and descriptions.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe increases and decreases.
  • Provide more precise comparisons between sectors, highlighting significant changes.
  • Ensure the introduction and conclusion summarize the key trends and changes effectively.
  • Clearly define the task and ensure all sectors are mentioned with their respective changes in percentage.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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