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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF SURVEY ON REASONS FOR MOVING TO CAPITAL CITY

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 6.5 score. This comprehensive analysis illustrates survey results on the factors contributing to migration to capital cities from 2000 to 2015. Deeply analyze trends in education, employment, personal relationships, and adventure-seeking behaviors that have influenced these migration patterns.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

The given graph illustrates surveyed result about for contributors (study, employment, family/friends, adventure) to moving to the capital city over a period of fifteen years from 2000 to 2015. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that seeking for job was the main reason, while , on the contrary, moving due to adventurous purpose had been accounted for the least in the whole surveyed period. Furthermore, study and work had equal contribution to this trend. To begin with, it is noticeable that adventure and family followed roughly same patterns. Their figures started around 10000 in the year 2000, these remained constant over the next five years. From this point, family line graph went up remarkably and reached at 2000, which was two times greater than its starting point. Then after, it was plateaued until the end of mentioned times. Meanwhile the figure for adventure increased insignificantly. On the other hand, 25000 individuals moved for study. This number roughly doubled in following five years , then continued to go up although less significantly until 2010 before surged to under 9000 in 2015. In terms of employment, above 60000 people went for seeking job, which witnessed an enhancement of 2500. Hence, the figure enhanced slightly and reached above 9000 in 2010 before declining to 8500 in 2015.
Words: 217Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 11:01 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, the coherence and cohesion can be improved by ensuring logical flow and clear connections between ideas. Some sentences are fragmented, and the use of linking words is inconsistent.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
  • Clarify comparisons and contrasts with precise language to improve understanding.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details to enhance logical flow.
  • Use linking words consistently (e.g., 'however,' 'meanwhile') to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and formality that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use correct collocations, e.g., 'survey results' instead of 'surveyed result.'
  • Avoid word repetition, such as 'moving,' by using synonyms or rephrasing.
  • Use precise vocabulary, e.g., 'adventure' instead of 'adventurous purpose.'
  • Ensure formal tone by avoiding informal phrases like 'on the other hand' in formal reports.
  • Improve word form accuracy, for example, 'seeking a job' instead of 'seeking for job.'

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and various verb forms. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
  • Improve the use of prepositions, for example, 'seeking for job' should be 'seeking a job.'
  • Ensure consistent verb tenses, such as 'had been accounted' which should be 'accounted.'
  • Eliminate unnecessary articles and correct plural forms, for example, 'seeking for job' should be 'seeking a job.'
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'surveyed result about for contributors' which should be 'survey results about the contributors.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the reasons people moved to the capital city, mentioning employment as the main reason and adventure as the least significant. However, there are inaccuracies and unclear points that affect the clarity and precision of the summary.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent terminology. Avoid switching between terms like 'seeking job' and 'employment.'
  • Clarify comparisons and trends. Clearly distinguish between different patterns for each category.
  • Include all relevant data. For example, specific figures for family/friends and adventure are missing or incorrect.
  • Ensure accuracy in reporting data. For example, the numbers mentioned in the essay (e.g., 25000 for study) do not match the chart data.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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