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BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION SECTOR-WISE FOR 2040 & 2060

Explore our informative IELTS essay sample foreseeing global product distribution in 2040 and 2060. Learn from a band 7.0 scored sample which emphasizes trends in sectors like services, manufacturing, and Info-Com Tech. A valuable resource for IELTS preparation!

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The supplied pie charts illustrate a comparison between the prediction of worldwide production in 2040 and 2060. Overall, it is immediately apparent that in both 2040 and 2060 the major parts of the charts will dedicate to the services and manufacturing sectors. With respect to the services and manufacturing sectors, which will have bar far the highest share, services sector will remain unchanged from 2040 to 2060 at nearly 40%. The same pattern will be considered for manufacturing sector and there will be a negligible increase from 31% in 2040 to 22% in 2060. Turning to the Info-Com Tech sector, its share will be around half of those of the manufacturing, and this figure will remain stable over the period. the energy, agriculture, and material sectors will possess the lowest amount of the pie chart. The energy sector will witness a decrease of 2% throughout the period. Similarly, there will be a 3% decrease in the proportion of the agriculture sector. However, the figure of the material sector will see a marginal rise by the end of the project's period.
Words: 180Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:52 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a structured comparison of global production projections for 2040 and 2060, focusing on major sectors like services and manufacturing. It uses clear paragraphing to separate different sectors and their changes over time. However, there are some issues with cohesion and clarity in expressing data trends.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid minor inconsistencies, such as stating 'bar far' instead of 'by far,' to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Ensure logical flow by clearly stating comparisons and trends. For example, clarify the changes in manufacturing from 31% to 33% instead of indicating a decrease.
  • Use cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively, such as 'in contrast' or 'similarly,' to enhance the logical progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary but lacks precision and variety in some areas. Terms like 'bar far' should be corrected to 'by far,' and phrases like 'the major parts of the charts will dedicate to' could be more accurately expressed as 'the major sectors represented in the charts are.' The essay uses some sector-specific vocabulary, which is appropriate, but there is room to enhance lexical variety and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more descriptive terms for sectors, like 'dominant' or 'minor,' to enhance clarity.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'remain constant,' 'increase slightly,' or 'decrease marginally.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing, for example, instead of 'remain stable,' consider 'show stability' or 'stay consistent.'
  • Correct errors such as 'bar far' to 'by far' for accuracy.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity and coherence, such as incorrect verb forms and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Use conjunctions effectively to improve sentence fluency and cohesion.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, particularly in complex sentences (e.g., 'services sector will remain unchanged' should be 'the services sector will remain unchanged').
  • Use articles appropriately (e.g., 'the prediction of worldwide production' should be 'the predictions of worldwide production').
  • Correct errors in verb tense and form (e.g., 'bar far the highest share' should be 'by far the highest share').
  • Ensure consistent use of capitalization (e.g., 'the energy, agriculture, and material sectors' should start with capital letters for each sector).

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a summary of the pie charts showing global production by sector in 2040 and 2060. It identifies the main sectors and their projected shares, but there are inaccuracies in the data representation and missing comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in terminology, such as using 'Info-Com Tech' throughout.
  • Include more specific figures for all sectors to ensure comprehensive coverage of the data.
  • Make relevant comparisons between the sectors, highlighting changes and trends more clearly.
  • Correct the data error regarding the manufacturing sector's share, which should increase from 31% to 33%, not decrease to 22%.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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