BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: SEASONAL IMPACT ON DAILY SALES OF FOOD ITEMS AT BRISK CAFÉ

Explore our IELTS essay sample for band 6.5, providing an in-depth analysis of the consumption patterns of winter and summer foods at Brisk Cafe. Understand how the daily sales of hot coffee, iced coffee, ice cream, soup, and salad fluctuate with seasons. A must-read for IELTS aspirants aiming to improve their score.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given graph illustrate the winter foods and summer foods consumed in a daily basis by season at the Brisk cafe including: Hot coffee, iced coffee, ice cream, soup and salad. In general, we can see the daily sales in each sections are fluctuate follow the seasons, but in the winter hot coffee is the top runner. In contrast, iced coffee has consumed most in the summer. To begin with, in the cold season the hot coffee is the best seller with nearly 80 number of serving on a daily basis. During the winter, soup is also quite popular and is reach 50 number of serving and follow to this cuisine we can see ice cream and salad are the third runner and it's look similar to each other with nearly 30 servings a day. However in the winter, ice coffee just be consumed less than 10 servings a day. In addition, from summer we can see that ice coffee is the top runner and it's reach 40 servings a day. Follow its the second runner is ice cream with nearby 40 on a daily basis. However hot coffee it's not really popular during this period, this product suffer a lost from top of the winter to 30 servings a day. Moreover, in summer soup and salad have consumed nearly 30 servings on a daily basis and its quite similar to each others. Interestingly, from both winter and summer salad has same figure of consumed.
Words: 245Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/12/2023, 06:10 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but the coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking due to inconsistent linking and paragraphing. The introduction and conclusion are present, but there is room for improvement in logical flow and clarity between ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure each sentence smoothly leads to the next.
  • Use clear and consistent linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'moreover.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and flows logically from one point to the next.
  • Clarify comparisons and contrasts between seasons by explicitly stating differences and similarities.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, word form, and collocation, which sometimes obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Improve collocation: Use 'on a daily basis' instead of 'in a daily basis.'
  • Avoid repetition: Use synonyms for words like 'consumed' and 'runner' to enhance lexical variety.
  • Clarify meaning: Replace 'fluctuate follow the seasons' with 'fluctuate according to the seasons' for clearer meaning.
  • Use correct word forms: Replace 'illustrate' with 'illustrates' to match the singular subject 'graph.'
  • Correct incorrect phrases: Change 'suffer a lost' to 'suffer a loss.'

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors affecting clarity and coherence. The use of tenses is inconsistent, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Some sentences are fragmented or awkwardly constructed, which impacts the overall readability.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the essay's sophistication.
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'on a daily basis' instead of 'in a daily basis.'
  • Improve tense consistency, e.g., 'has consumed' should be 'is consumed.'
  • Avoid sentence fragments and awkward constructions, e.g., 'Follow its the second runner is ice cream' should be 'Following this, ice cream is the second most popular.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'illustrate' should be 'illustrates' and 'are fluctuate' should be 'fluctuate.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data, mentioning the main trends and making some comparisons between the seasons. It identifies hot coffee as the most popular item in winter and iced coffee in summer, but lacks specific numerical details for other items and doesn't fully explore all data points.

Recommendations:

  • Include specific numerical data for each food item to support the analysis.
  • Improve clarity by structuring the essay to clearly separate the discussion of winter and summer data.
  • Avoid vague language like 'nearly' or 'quite similar' without precise figures.
  • Ensure all relevant data points are covered, such as the exact figures for ice cream, soup, and salad in each season.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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