BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: SEASONAL IMPACT ON DAILY FOOD SALES AT BRISK CAFÉ | IELTS TASK 1 GRAPH ANALYSIS

Explore our IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample, providing a detailed analysis of sales of various items at the Brisk Café during different seasons. Find insights into patterns for hot coffee, soup, ice cream and salad sales between summer and winter. Ideal study material for IELTS aspirants.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

the bar chart provides information on the number of servings of some items sold daily at the brisk café. there are some products that has more sales in winter while the others had been sold more in summer. As it is seen for hot coffee and soup the number of serving has been more during the winter up than 70 percent for hot coffee and fifty percent for soup while its value for them in summer was 30% and 25% respectively. In contrast for iced coffee and ice cream the amount of serving differs as it has declined to zero for iced coffee in comparison to summer which was about 40% in summer and for ice coffee about 35% with 10 percent difference in comparison to winter. for salad the sale has remained constant about 25% in both seasons. It is noticeable that the most number of servings belongs to hot coffee which was more than 70.
Words: 157Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 03:00 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides an overview of daily sales at Brisk Café by season, highlighting different trends for various food items. However, the coherence and cohesion could be improved for better clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the comparison points more explicitly, such as using 'compared to' or 'in contrast with' to enhance the comparative analysis.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or comparisons. For instance, separate the discussion of winter and summer trends into distinct paragraphs.
  • Employ linking words and phrases (e.g., 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' 'Conversely') to improve the logical flow between sentences and ideas.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences to improve readability and coherence.
  • Ensure consistency in data representation. The essay mentions percentages and numbers interchangeably, which can be confusing. Stick to one method of data representation.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetitions. The use of percentages is consistent but lacks precision in language variety.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of connectors and transitional phrases to improve coherence, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'however.'
  • Expand vocabulary by using synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'sales' and 'servings' interchangeably.
  • Use more precise quantifiers instead of vague terms like 'some' and 'more' to enhance clarity.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to convey comparisons, such as 'significantly higher' or 'noticeably lower.'
  • Correct grammatical errors in verb agreements, such as 'there are some products that has' to 'there are some products that have.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic grammatical range, with some errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure.

Recommendations:

  • Maintain consistency in tense usage throughout the essay.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences, e.g., break down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to show grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'there are some products that has' should be 'there are some products that have.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data presented in the bar chart, highlighting seasonal variations in the sales of different food items at Brisk Café. It identifies key trends, such as higher sales of hot coffee and soup in winter, and increased sales of iced coffee and ice cream in summer. However, it lacks specific numerical details and comparisons, and there are some inaccuracies in the data description.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe trends, such as 'sales increased by' or 'decreased to,' to enhance clarity.
  • Include specific numerical data from the chart to support the descriptions, such as exact sales figures for each item in both seasons.
  • Make clearer comparisons between the items, such as stating which items have the highest or lowest sales in each season.
  • Ensure accuracy in data reporting. For example, clarify the sales figures for iced coffee in winter and summer, as the description suggests a decline to zero, which is not accurate.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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