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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EVOLVING CANADIAN HOUSEHOLD TYPES 1984-2020

Discover changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020. Dive into our analysis of IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample examining trends in households with dependent/non-dependent children to one-person homes. Explore demographic shifts & societal influences driving these trends now.

Writing Task

The table below shows the changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The table demonstrates the modifications in several household sorts in Canada between 1984 and 2020. Overall, dependent children were the most popular for one- family households while non-dependent children were the least. There was an upward trend in one person, no children and lone parents while the others had a downward trend From 1980 to 2020, there was a significant decrease in dependent children, which were 52 percent to 36 percent. This was because they need supports from their parents. However, for non- dependent children, a slight fall occurred from 1983 to 2020, which were approximately 9 percent The number of one person household types rose slightly around 12 percent. This happened from 1984 to 2020. On the contrast, the household type of no children and lone parents shared steady growth around 25 and 12 percents. The reason that the number of these household types increased due to less stress.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 03:56 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents information about household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020, but coherence and cohesion are somewhat lacking. The structure is unclear, and transitions between ideas are weak, making it difficult to follow the progression of information. Additionally, some sentences are disjointed, and the logical flow could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions by providing context or explanations between different points.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, such as 'in addition,' 'however,' and 'similarly.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect or trend.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at precision. However, there are noticeable errors and awkward expressions that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Expand the use of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion, such as 'consequently,' 'as a result,' or 'similarly.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe trends and changes, such as 'increase,' 'decline,' 'fluctuate,' or 'remain stable.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. For example, instead of repeating 'household types,' use 'categories of households' or 'household categories.'
  • Incorporate more complex structures and collocations to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource, such as 'experienced a significant decrease' instead of 'a significant decrease.'
  • Correct grammatical errors in vocabulary use, such as 'percents' to 'percent' and 'On the contrast' to 'In contrast.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors in tense consistency and article usage. Simple sentences are used more frequently than complex ones, and there are occasional mistakes that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure tense consistency throughout the essay. For example, 'From 1980 to 2020, there was a significant decrease' should match the time frame given in the table.
  • Use articles correctly. For example, 'one person household types' should be 'one-person household types' or 'the one-person household type.'
  • Incorporate more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. For instance, combine shorter sentences using conjunctions.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020 but lacks clarity and accuracy in reporting the data. It mentions trends but does not provide precise data or comparisons as required by the task.

Recommendations:

  • Include an overview that accurately reflects the main trends and changes shown in the table.
  • Provide clear comparisons between different household types to highlight trends and patterns.
  • Avoid assumptions or explanations not supported by the data, such as reasons for trends.
  • Ensure accurate data representation from the table, such as specific percentage changes for each household type.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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