BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DETAILED ANALYSIS ON ROAD TRANSPORT IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore our comprehensive IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample analysing commuting data from six European countries. Uncover insights on car, bus, and bike usage per person per year, and average daily travel time. Ideal for IELTS aspirants seeking high-band score writing examples.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart provides information about commuting of per person by road in 6 European countries including, Denmark, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, and the United Kingdom. In an overview, cars are the most used transportation in the mentioned countries, on average, traveling almost 10000 kilometers per year. It is compared to the usage of public transportation including bus, train, and metro, also bike which is only around 1250 kilometers per year. Moreover, the traveling time is an average of 30 minutes a day. Car is used approximately the same amount in each pair of countries. It is shown that cars are used in both Denmark and France an average of 12000 kilometers per year, however, Denmark is slightly above the 12000. Also, the usage of cars in Italy and the UK is also about 11000 kilometers per person. Moreover, Germany and Spain are just above 8000. Moving on to the usage of
Words: 152Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:32 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay shows a basic level of coherence and cohesion, with an attempt to structure information logically. However, there are several areas where improvement is needed, particularly in linking ideas and ensuring a clear flow of information.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' 'Furthermore').
  • Avoid abrupt endings; ensure that each section concludes smoothly and logically connects to the next section.
  • Develop a more cohesive introduction and conclusion, summarizing the key points and findings of the data analysis.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'commuting,' 'transportation,' and 'kilometers per year.' However, there is a lack of variety in word choice, and some phrases are repetitive. For example, 'used' and 'usage' appear frequently without synonyms or alternative expressions. The essay occasionally uses incorrect prepositions, such as 'traveling of per person.'

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to prepositions and ensure they are used correctly, such as replacing 'traveling of per person' with 'travel per person.'
  • Use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, replace 'used' with 'employed' or 'utilized.'
  • Improve phrase variety by using different expressions for similar concepts, such as 'means of transportation' instead of 'transportation.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions, which are used accurately. However, there are some areas where grammatical precision could be improved to enhance clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles accurately. For instance, 'the usage of public transportation including bus, train, and metro, also bike' could be 'the usage of public transportation, including buses, trains, metros, and bikes.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences. For example, 'Car is used' should be 'Cars are used.'
  • Improve sentence variety by incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of 'It is shown that cars are used in both Denmark and France an average of 12000 kilometers per year,' try 'The data shows that both Denmark and France have similar car usage, averaging around 12000 kilometers per year.'

Task Achievement4.0

The essay provides an overview of road transport usage in six European countries, focusing primarily on car travel. It highlights that cars are the most used mode of transport, with specific comparisons between countries like Denmark, France, Italy, and the UK. However, the essay is incomplete, lacking a discussion on public transport and commuting time.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all main features from the charts are summarized, including any notable trends or differences.
  • Provide a more balanced comparison between the different modes of transport, not just focusing on car usage.
  • Complete the essay by discussing the usage of public transport (bus, train, metro, bike) in each country, as shown in the second chart.
  • Include information on commuting time per day for each country, as shown in the third chart.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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