BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS OF ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE FROM 1990 TO 2020

Explore our IELTS Band 6.5 essay sample analyzing the age demographic changes in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. This comprehensive analysis focuses on population distribution trends among different age groups. Perfect material for IELTS aspirants seeking top-notch examples.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The table chart compares the ages of residents in Iceland during the time period from 1990 to 2020. The ages range from 0 to over 65. Overall, it can be seen that the young generation whose ages range from 25 to 54 was the leading group, meanwhile that of other group fluctuate through 30 years mentioned. Regarding the chart, 2020 saw a dramatic increase in the number of people from 25 to 54 years old living in Iceland, from above 30% to nearly half of the total population. The older group, meanwhile, gradually increased from 10% in 3 years before slightly reduced to the original percentage. The percentage of both two young group from 0 to 24 years old dropped from 1990 to 2020 in Iceland. While the 0 to 14 years old group hold up about 31% in 1990, that number decreased to about 19% in 2020. The teenager group accounted above 20%, then lowered to under 10% through 30 years
Words: 162Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 01:48 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic structure with an introduction, overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, there are issues with logical sequencing and the use of cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify references to age groups and percentages to avoid confusion and improve coherence.
  • Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs (e.g., 'however', 'in addition', 'similarly').
  • Ensure logical flow by clearly linking comparisons and contrasts between age groups throughout the essay.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the changes in population age groups in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. It includes terms such as "dramatic increase," "gradually increased," and "slightly reduced," which effectively convey the trends. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision, and some phrases are awkward or unclear, such as "the young generation whose ages range" and "the teenager group accounted above 20%."

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as 'age group' instead of 'group' repeatedly.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'fluctuated,' 'decreased,' or 'remained stable.'
  • Replace awkward phrases with clearer alternatives, e.g., 'young generation whose ages range' could be 'age group from 25 to 54.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some errors that affect clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent tense, e.g., 'hold up about 31%' should be 'held up about 31%' to maintain past tense consistency.
  • Improve the use of conjunctions to enhance sentence flow, e.g., 'meanwhile' could be better integrated into sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences, e.g., 'that of other group fluctuate' should be 'that of other groups fluctuates.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the young generation' should be 'the younger generation.'
  • Pay attention to plural forms, e.g., 'both two young group' should be 'both young groups.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the population age distribution in Iceland from 1990 to 2020, highlighting the dominance of the 25-54 age group and changes in other age groups. It identifies trends such as the increase in the 25-54 age group and the decrease in younger age groups.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe trends (e.g., 'fluctuate' versus 'decrease'). This will enhance clarity and accuracy.
  • Summarize the main features more explicitly at the beginning or end of the essay to enhance the overview.
  • Ensure all data points are accurately represented. For example, clarify the fluctuation and eventual decrease in the older age group percentages.
  • Include specific data points for each age group consistently to support statements. This provides clearer evidence for the trends discussed.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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