BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ROAD TRANSPORT IN VARIOUS EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore a comprehensive analysis of the preferred mode of transportation and daily commuting time in various European countries. Our IELTS Band 6.5 essay provides detailed insights into travel distances by car and train in countries like Denmark, England, France, Germany, and Spain. Get an in-depth understanding of commuting patterns and time spent on daily travel in these countries.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given figures provide data about the two mode of transportation (car,train or subway) annual distance passed per kilometers, and also daily commuting time in five various European countries. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that travel by car was significantly the most preferred way. And Denmark accounted for the highest road transport in both modes. In contrast, English men spent considerably higher times for commuting a day. Regarding the bar chart for travel per person, it is noticeable that Denmark was responsible for the highest in both type of transportation including car and train with above 12000 and 3000 kilometers, respectively.France was the second highest at 12000, while this figure was re-markedly lower in comparison with the other method. Furthermore, English people traveled distances by car were 10000 which was 10 times greater than rain's one. There was seen a similar pattern for Germany and Spain in car and train mode which were about over 8000 and 1000,subsequently. In terms of the commuting times,Both Germany and United kingdom had equal amount around 45 minutes. This was followed bu Denmark and France at 38 and 35 minutes. It is also interesting to mention that Italian people spent the least time for commuting at 20 minutes.
Words: 208Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 09:13 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic structure and attempts to link ideas, but lacks clear and logical progression. Some points are repetitive and transitions between ideas are not always smooth, affecting the overall coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Consider reordering some information to enhance the logical flow of ideas, ensuring comparisons are clearly grouped.
  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single point.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and guide the reader through the text.
  • Avoid repetition of similar ideas and ensure each sentence contributes new information or analysis.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are issues with word choice, collocations, and some spelling errors. The use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, and there is room for more precise and varied language to accurately describe the data.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data. For example, replace 'significantly the most preferred way' with 'the predominant mode of transport.'
  • Correct spelling and word choice errors, such as 'two mode' to 'two modes' and 'rain's one' to 'train's.'
  • Use collocations correctly. For instance, change 'accounted for the highest road transport' to 'had the highest usage of road transport.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. Instead of repeating 'car and train,' use 'these modes' or 'both forms of transport.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of grammatical structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms, missing articles, and punctuation mistakes, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'two modes of transportation' instead of 'two mode of transportation.'
  • Use articles appropriately, e.g., 'the highest road transport' instead of 'highest road transport.'
  • Correct punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences.
  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain coherence.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate conjunctions or punctuation.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data presented in the bar charts, highlighting key trends and making some comparisons between countries. However, it lacks clarity in presenting specific data and making precise comparisons, which affects the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all aspects of the task are covered, including a brief summary of each chart's main features.
  • Clearly define the modes of transportation and ensure consistency in naming (e.g., 'car' and 'train or subway').
  • Improve clarity in comparisons by explicitly stating differences or similarities between countries' data.
  • Provide specific data points from the charts to support statements. For example, include exact figures when mentioning the distances traveled by car or train.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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