BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY PROJECTIONS FOR 2015 & 2040

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band score of 6.5, comparing energy usage in 2015 and predictions for 2040. Insightful analysis on fossil fuels, wind & solar power capacities, and steady rates of nuclear and other renewables energy provided. A must-read for IELTS preparation students.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

A glance at two provided charts reveals the comparison amount of various sort of energies in 2015 to the predicted one in 2040. concerning the given charts, fossil fuels allocated the most shares with 64 percent to itself in 2015. Although, it is forecasted that the use of it will saw a considerable decline in 2040 to 44 percent, it is still allocated the most shares to itself among other energy. Wind and Solar power had been utilized at the very low level of 5% and 2% in 2015, however it is apparently planned to use more these fuels due to its renewable nature in 2040. The amount of capacity of these fuels are 12% and 18%, respectively. It is evident from the information provided the rate of use of the Nuclear and other reenables energy remained kind of steady throughout these years. The nuclear energy saw a negligible decrease from 6 percent to 5 percent as well as other renewables energy from 23% to 21%.
Words: 166Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 12:05 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic structure but lacks clear organization and logical progression. While it attempts to compare energy capacities between 2015 and 2040, the information is not well-organized, and transitions between ideas are weak.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Improve the use of linking words to connect ideas and comparisons more effectively (e.g., 'however,' 'in contrast,' 'similarly').
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different points or types of energy sources.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'fossil fuels,' 'renewable,' and 'energy capacity.' However, there are issues with word choice, collocations, and some grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, phrases like 'allocated the most shares to itself' and 'use more these fuels' are awkward and can confuse the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks variety in vocabulary, often repeating words without using synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Improve word choice and collocations. Use phrases like 'accounted for the largest share' instead of 'allocated the most shares to itself.'
  • Increase vocabulary variety by using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition, such as using 'utilized' instead of 'used' or 'anticipated' instead of 'forecasted.'
  • Ensure grammatical accuracy, particularly in phrases like 'use more these fuels,' which should be 'use more of these fuels.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with several errors in tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.

Recommendations:

  • Improve subject-verb agreement (e.g., "various sort of energies" should be "various sorts of energy").
  • Use more complex sentence structures to enhance variety and clarity.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation and conjunctions.
  • Ensure consistent use of tense, particularly when describing future predictions (e.g., "it is forecasted that the use of it will saw" should be "it is forecasted that the use of it will see").

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the energy capacity proportions in 2015 and the predictions for 2040, focusing on the main trends and changes. It highlights the decrease in fossil fuels and the increase in renewable energy sources, such as wind and solar power. However, the essay lacks a clear and comprehensive summary of all data presented in the charts and misses some important details about the total energy capacity in gigawatts.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve the clarity of sentences for better readability.
  • Ensure all categories are clearly mentioned and compared, including 'Other renewables,' which is not sufficiently detailed.
  • Provide a more structured overview that summarizes the main features and trends, ensuring all relevant data are included and comparisons are made effectively.
  • Clearly state the total energy capacity in gigawatts for both years, as this is a key detail in the charts.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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