BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY IN GW FOR 2015 AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2040

Explore our detailed IELTS essay sample illustrating various energy sources' contribution in 2015 and projections for 2040. Our band 6.5 score essay provides insightful analysis on the shift from fossil fuels to greener renewable sources like solar and wind. Discover the expected growth and decline in energy sectors as we move towards a more sustainable future.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

this figure illustrate the proportion of energy volume from different sources including; fossil fuel, wind, nuclear, solar, other renewable in 2015 and its projection in 2040. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the total amount will increase sharply. Moreover green sources of energy like solar and wind will make a great contribution toward the whole capacity, whereas the significant role of fossil fuel is expected to fall down. Regarding 2015 data, it is noticeable that fossil fuel like : oil and gas were accounted for more than half of the whole with 64%. This sector is suggested to decline by 20% in 2040. Hence, more than one-fifth of energy were produced from other renewable category with 23%, in which, it will decline slightly and will reach 21%. Additionally, a similar pattern is estimated to see in terms of nuclear from 6% to 5%. On the contrary, it is expected to see a nine times increase in solar-relative amount, this might jump from 2% to 18%. similarly, the capacity will enhance from 5% to 12%.
Words: 178Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 09:03 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic structure with an introduction, overview, and details. However, it lacks smooth transitions and clear logical progression between ideas, affecting coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in ideas by using cohesive devices to connect sentences smoothly.
  • Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs by using linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'however.'
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity and cohesion.
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to energy sources and projections. However, there are several areas where word choice and phrasing could be improved for clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more advanced vocabulary to describe projections, like 'anticipated,' 'forecasted,' or 'predicted.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary related to energy trends, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'growth,' and 'decline,' instead of vague terms like 'fall down' or 'enhance.'
  • Avoid repetition by varying word choice. For instance, instead of repeating 'increase,' use synonyms like 'rise' or 'expand.'
  • Use collocations accurately, such as 'make a significant contribution' rather than 'make a great contribution.'
  • Ensure correct usage of prepositions and articles, such as 'a ninefold increase' instead of 'a nine times increase.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are multiple errors affecting clarity and precision. There are some attempts to use complex sentences, but these are often marred by errors in punctuation and structure.

Recommendations:

  • Use correct punctuation for lists, e.g., avoid semicolons in 'including; fossil fuel, wind, nuclear, solar, other renewable.'
  • Use consistent tense throughout, as in 'were accounted' should be 'was accounted' for singular subjects.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using conjunctions or breaking into shorter sentences.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'this figure illustrate' should be 'this figure illustrates.'
  • Improve sentence structure for clarity, e.g., 'this might jump from 2% to 18%. similarly, the capacity will enhance' should be two separate sentences or connected appropriately.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the energy capacity changes from 2015 to 2040, noting the increase in total capacity and the shift towards renewable sources. It mentions specific percentages for fossil fuels, solar, wind, and nuclear energy, comparing their proportions in both years.

Recommendations:

  • Use precise language and correct any grammatical errors to improve clarity and professionalism.
  • Ensure all key data from the charts is covered, such as the exact increase in total energy capacity from 2015 to 2040.
  • Clarify ambiguous statements, such as 'the capacity will enhance from 5% to 12%', specifying which energy source is being referred to.
  • Include a clear summary statement at the end to encapsulate the main points discussed.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay