BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING REASONS AND TIMELINES FOR QUITTING SMOKING

Discover our band 6.5 score IELTS essay sample, providing detailed analysis on smoking habits and cessation motivations across three distinct smoker categories. Gain insights on health-related considerations, financial implications, and preferred timelines for quitting smoking. Ideal study material for IELTS candidates.

Writing Task

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The data in tables details on reason for aiming to give up and preferred time for it in three categories of smoker( lee than 10, 10-19 and more than 20). Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that vast majority of individuals think it would be beneficial for their health. Moreover the under 20 cigarette smoker less intend to quit due to present health issues. Furthermore, it is also noticeable that those who smoke less cigarette are more in favor of sooner give up. Considering reason, all three categories follow the same patterns. In detail,subjects with less than 10,10-19 and more than 20 are desire to do that with 74%, 73% and 64%, respectively. This followed with financial consideration and getting smoking-related illnesses. people smoke less than 20 are representing equal intention for give up which is 10%. While the percentage is 19% for more than 20 cigarettes group. In terms of favorable time for give up, the next six month was the most selected time for all groups with 46%, 32% and 26%, subsequently. Additionally, smoker with more than 10 cigarette showed roughly equal proportion of 22 and 23 for the next year.
Words: 196Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 02:10 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic overview of the data but lacks clear organization and logical flow. The introduction is brief and does not clearly outline the structure of the essay. Paragraphs are not well-defined, and ideas are not consistently linked. Some sentences are fragmented or awkward, disrupting the cohesion. The use of linking words is minimal and sometimes incorrect, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid fragmented sentences and ensure each sentence contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'for example.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting details.
  • Clearly structure the essay with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main features, and comparisons.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Words such as "lee," "desire to do that," and "favorable time for give up" show a need for more precise language. Some phrases are repetitive, like "give up," which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance variety. Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical errors that impact the overall lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more precise adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions, such as 'vast majority' to 'overwhelming majority.'
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'give up' with 'quit' or 'cease smoking.'
  • Improve phrasing for clarity, such as changing 'desire to do that' to 'intend to quit.'
  • Ensure grammatical accuracy in phrases like 'favorable time for give up' to 'favorable time to quit.'
  • Correct spelling errors such as 'lee' to 'less' and ensure all words are correctly spelled.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay attempts to describe the data but struggles with grammatical accuracy and range. There are several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structures for clarity, e.g., 'Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that vast majority of individuals think it would be beneficial for their health' can be rephrased for simplicity.
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'a vast majority' instead of 'vast majority.'
  • Ensure plural forms are used where appropriate, e.g., 'smoker' should be 'smokers.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'data in tables details' should be 'data in the tables detail.'
  • Use correct verb forms, e.g., 'are desire to do that' should be 'desire to do so.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the reasons people give up smoking and their intended timeframes for quitting, based on the number of cigarettes smoked daily. It highlights that health benefits are the primary reason across all groups, with financial considerations and smoking-related illnesses also being significant factors. Additionally, it mentions that those who smoke fewer cigarettes are more inclined to quit sooner, with the next six months being the most popular timeframe for quitting among all groups.

Recommendations:

  • Include a more detailed introduction and conclusion to frame the report effectively.
  • Ensure all key features and comparisons from the tables are included, such as specific percentages for each reason and timeframe.
  • Clarify and organize the information to make it easier to follow, ensuring each point is clearly linked to the data presented.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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