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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR IN 2040 AND 2060

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 6.5 score. Our detailed analysis of production projections for various sectors like services, manufacturing, and info-com tech for the years 2040 and 2060 offers valuable insights. Learn from our comprehensive comparison of projected growth rates and understand the impact on future global production.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

according to the charts the projections and global productions by sector in 2040 and 2060 are demonstrated. as it clearly seen, the most projected production by section in each two different years is sevices,which in 2060 is 1 percent higher in comparison to 2040.Second production is manufacturing,which in 2040 is 31 percent while in 2060 is 33 percent.the next production,which almost equal in both two years is info-com tech.in 2040, as you can see the lowest prodution, which projected, is materials;in contrast, in 2060 the lowest projected production is agricluture by 1 percent while this production in 2040 is predicted to 4 percent.and as it shown, the last production by sector is energy,which is predicted it will have a slightly decrease by 7 percent to 5 percent.eventually, the charts show that three of the most productions by sector,which is services, manufacturing and info-com tech, increased considerably in 2060 rather 2040. in conclusion, you can see that the most projection for global production by sectors in both years will be services, which represent that it could be very substantial for our productions in the future.
Words: 184Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 11:20 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060 but lacks clear structure and logical flow. Sentences are often fragmented, and ideas are not well connected, making it difficult to follow the argument. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'this,' 'these,' and 'such' to avoid repetition and improve cohesion.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas logically, such as 'however,' 'in contrast,' and 'additionally.'
  • Ensure each sentence contributes to the overall argument and avoid unnecessary repetition.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear main point.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetition. There is an attempt to use some less common lexical items, but errors are present that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary to include more varied and precise terms related to the topic, such as 'forecasted' instead of 'projected' repeatedly.
  • Use collocations and phrases accurately, such as 'as shown' instead of 'as it shown'.
  • Avoid informal language such as 'as you can see' in formal writing.
  • Correct spelling errors like 'sevices' to 'services' and 'agricluture' to 'agriculture' to improve clarity.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence construction, punctuation, and capitalization. Simple sentences dominate, and complex sentence structures are not effectively used.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to punctuation, especially the use of commas and periods, to improve readability.
  • Ensure proper capitalization at the beginning of sentences and for proper nouns.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Practice using relative clauses correctly to add complexity to your sentences.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the main features of the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060. It identifies the dominant sectors and notes changes over time, such as the increase in services and manufacturing and the decrease in agriculture and energy. However, the essay lacks clarity and precision in its descriptions and comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more precise comparisons between the years, highlighting significant changes with specific percentages.
  • Avoid using informal language (e.g., 'as you can see') and ensure a formal tone throughout.
  • Clearly identify and summarize the main features of the charts, ensuring all sectors are covered accurately.
  • Ensure that all sector names and percentages are correctly labeled and spelled.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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