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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING CHANGES IN CANADIAN HOUSEHOLD TYPES FROM 1984 TO 2020

Explore our detailed analysis of IELTS band 6.5 essay sample, focusing on the changes in Canadian household types from 1984 to 2020. Learn how one-person households, no children families, and lone parent households increased, while dependent and non-dependent children households decreased. Perfect resource for IELTS aspirants.

Writing Task

The table below shows the changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given table provides information on the alteration of household types in Canada between 1984 and 2020. It can be concluded from the table that one person household, no children families, and lone parent increased while dependent and non-dependent children households decreased during this period of time. To begin, one person household increased from 6 to 12 between 1984 and 2014 and remained at 12 until 2020. Moreover, co children household experienced a leap from 19 to 25 in a 30 years period between 1984 to 2014 and like one person type remained constant between 2014 and 2020. It is also seen that, lane parent house hold had a sharp rise between 1984 to 2014 from 4 to 12 and also it was equal to 12 in 2020 too. On the contrary, both dependent children and non-dependent children experienced slip back during this period of time. The information in the table illustrates that dependent children household had a drastic fall from 52 to 36 between 1984 to 2020 while non-dependent children had a slight plummet during this time line to put it in a nutshell it had a modest downward trend. It can be seen that there was a slight increase in non-dependent children from 10 to 11 between 1994 and 2004 and then it dropped to 9 in 2014. It remained exactly at 9 between 2014 and 2020. From the table it can be plainly viewed that non-dependent children had the lowest percentage among all types of households in 2020 an dependent children had the highest percentage in 2020.
Words: 260Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 05:20 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay generally follows a logical structure, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion. However, there are several areas where coherence and cohesion could be improved. The introduction provides a clear overview, but the transition between ideas within paragraphs is sometimes abrupt. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could benefit from being broken down for better clarity. The use of linking words is inconsistent, and there are some grammatical errors that affect the flow of information.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude with a brief summary that ties together the main points discussed.
  • Use more consistent linking words to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'however,' 'similarly,' and 'in contrast.'
  • Break down long sentences to improve readability and clarity. For instance, instead of using 'and' repeatedly, separate ideas into distinct sentences.
  • Correct grammatical errors, such as 'lane parent' to 'lone parent,' to improve overall coherence.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use clear topic sentences to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe changes in household types in Canada. There are some effective uses of vocabulary, such as 'alteration,' 'experienced a leap,' and 'sharp rise.' However, there are also several lexical inaccuracies and repetitions that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more specific terms like 'decline' instead of 'slip back' for clarity.
  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases to improve coherence, such as 'similarly,' 'in contrast,' or 'however.'
  • Avoid repeating phrases like 'during this period of time' and use alternative expressions to enhance variety.
  • Correct inaccuracies such as 'co children household' to 'no children household' and 'lane parent' to 'lone parent.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'one person household increased' should be 'one person households increased.'
  • Use consistent tense forms throughout the essay for clarity, e.g., 'lane parent house hold had a sharp rise' should maintain consistent past tense usage.
  • Correct minor grammatical errors, such as 'lane parent house hold' to 'lone parent household.'
  • Use articles appropriately, e.g., 'a leap from 19 to 25 in a 30 years period' should be 'a leap from 19 to 25 over a 30-year period.'
  • Improve sentence structure for better coherence, e.g., 'to put it in a nutshell it had a modest downward trend' could be rephrased for clarity.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020, noting increases in one-person households, no children families, and lone parent households, while dependent and non-dependent children households decreased. It attempts to summarize the main trends but lacks some clarity and detail in the description of data trends.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a more structured introduction and conclusion to summarize the key findings more effectively.
  • Ensure all household types are clearly and accurately described with specific data points from the table.
  • Avoid minor inaccuracies in terminology, such as 'co children' instead of 'no children' and 'lane parent' instead of 'lone parent.'
  • Include a clearer overview that highlights the main trends and comparisons between household types.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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