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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS ON ICELAND'S POPULATION AGE DATA FROM 1990-2020

Explore our IELTS essay sample, scoring a band 6.5, analysing the population age demographics in Iceland from 1990 to 2020. Discover trends, comparing age groups over 30 years. Perfect for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart compares the percentage of the age population of Iceland from 1990 to 2020. Overall, it can be seen that persons aged from 25 to 54 years old have the most population over 30 years whereas a number of mankind who have aged 55 to 64 years old have the least population during the period. In 1990 and 2000, the figure is approximately the same on the contrary it is observed humanity who have 55-65 and over 65 have a tiny difference from 1990 to 2000, in contrast, both of them are just over 10%. Between 2010 and 2020, 25-54 sharply rise due to the fact people who have under 25 were growing up. The trajectory of people with age 25-54 gradually increased over the period whilst juveniles (0-14 and 15-24) slightly decreased and reached slightly under 50% and under 20%, respectively. Populations 55-64 have remained stable over time.
Words: 151Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 03:54 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the data but lacks clear and logical organization. While the main points are mentioned, the structure is somewhat disjointed, and transitions between ideas are not always smooth. The essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more cohesive devices.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent terminology when referring to age groups or time periods to avoid confusion.
  • Employ more cohesive devices (e.g., 'however,' 'in addition,' 'furthermore') to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or comparison to enhance clarity.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different age groups or time periods for better organization.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the data, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions. Terms like 'mankind' and 'humanity' are used inappropriately when referring to age groups. The phrase 'persons aged from 25 to 54 years old have the most population' is awkward and could be more precisely expressed. The use of 'trajectory' is apt, but the phrase 'juveniles (0-14 and 15-24)' could be simplified to 'younger age groups'.

Recommendations:

  • Simplify expressions like 'juveniles (0-14 and 15-24)' to 'younger age groups' for better readability.
  • Replace 'mankind' and 'humanity' with 'people' or 'individuals' for clarity.
  • Use more precise language, such as 'age group' instead of 'age population' and 'largest proportion' instead of 'most population'.
  • Avoid mixing formal and informal language, and ensure terminology is consistent throughout the essay.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of tense throughout the essay.
  • Use more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Correct awkward phrasing, such as 'mankind who have aged' to more natural expressions.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring subject-verb agreement.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the age distribution in Iceland from 1990 to 2020, highlighting key trends and comparisons among different age groups. It identifies that the 25-54 age group consistently had the highest population percentage, while the 55-64 age group had the lowest. The essay attempts to describe changes over the decades and provides some comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance the use of comparative language to make clearer comparisons between the age groups and years, such as 'increased more significantly than' or 'had a smaller decline compared to.'
  • Ensure all main features from the graph are covered. For instance, include data about all age groups in each year, such as specific percentages or noticeable trends.
  • Clarify and accurately describe trends. For example, mention that the 25-54 group remained the largest throughout the period, with specific figures, and explain the steady increase in the 65 and over group.
  • Avoid vague terms such as 'a number of mankind' or 'humanity.' Use precise language like 'percentage of the population.'
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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