BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF SEASONAL FOOD SALES AT BRISK CAFÉ

Explore our IELTS essay sample on sales trends at Brisk Café. Understand fluctuations in food and drink popularity across summer and winter seasons, with detailed analysis on hot coffee, iced coffee, soup, salad, and ice cream sales. Score 6.5 with our detailed IELTS samples.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The graph demonstrates the amount of sales among various foods and drinks in a café called Brisk Café in summer and winter. Overall, the rate of sales in all kinds of food had a significant fluctuation trend in winter. Noteworthy, hot coffee was the most popular drink in winter and in contact Iced coffee had the lowest point of demand in the same season. On the other hand, the sales statics in summer, experienced a moderate changes in drinks, while soup and salad maintained unchanged. It is clear that sales results of hot coffee hit its highest point at 75% in winter while, Iced coffee experienced a a small proportion of 6%in the same time. Like wise, the number of demands for hot coffee in summer was 30%, it had a dramatic growth in Iced coffee of 40%. Although salad maintained unchanged in both seasons at 25%, soup had a drastic rate of sales of 50% in winter and 25% in summer. Furthermore Ice cream had a significant majority of sales in summer of 35%, while the rate of sales of ice cream in winter was well below of 30% in winter.
Words: 192Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 03:49 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic structure but lacks clear coherence and cohesion. The introduction and overview sections are present, but the body paragraphs are not well-organized, leading to some confusion. Transitions between ideas are occasionally unclear, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, affecting readability. Additionally, there are some inconsistencies in the use of data, which disrupts the logical flow.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases and ensure variety in sentence structures.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports it with relevant details.
  • Use more cohesive devices and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Clarify comparisons and contrasts explicitly, ensuring the data supports the statements.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a variety of vocabulary related to the topic but lacks precision and accuracy in word choice. Some phrases are awkwardly constructed, and there are instances of incorrect or inconsistent usage, such as 'significant fluctuation trend' and 'drastic rate of sales.'

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as 'demand' instead of 'rate of sales.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary, such as 'variation' instead of 'fluctuation trend' and 'increase' instead of 'growth' when describing changes in sales.
  • Ensure consistent and correct usage of terms, for example, 'statistics' instead of 'statics' and 'likewise' instead of 'like wise.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several issues with accuracy and complexity. Simple sentences are generally correct, but complex sentences sometimes lack clarity and contain errors.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'sales statics in summer, experienced a moderate changes' should be 'sales statistics in summer experienced moderate changes.'
  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases, like 'in winter' and 'in summer,' to enhance sentence variety.
  • Clarify unclear phrases, such as 'the rate of sales in all kinds of food had a significant fluctuation trend in winter.' Consider rephrasing for clarity.
  • Correct article usage, such as 'a a small proportion' should be 'a small proportion.'
  • Improve punctuation, especially with commas, for example, 'while, Iced coffee experienced' should be 'while iced coffee experienced.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the graph showing average daily sales of food items at Brisk Café across different seasons. It identifies key trends, such as hot coffee being the most popular in winter and iced coffee in summer, and notes the stability of salad sales. However, there are inaccuracies and unclear comparisons, such as the incorrect use of percentages and some vague descriptions of trends.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid vague terms like 'significant fluctuation' without specifying what this means in the context of the data.
  • Clarify comparisons by directly contrasting items within the same sentence or paragraph for better coherence.
  • Ensure all main features are covered, such as the exact figures for each item in both seasons.
  • Use precise data from the graph, such as actual numbers instead of percentages, to accurately describe trends.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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