BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND COMPARISONS OF CANADIAN HOUSEHOLD CHANGES FROM 1984 TO 2020

Explore a Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample analyzing types of households in Canada from 1984 to 2020. Key findings include the rise of lone-parent households and changes in dependent children households. Get insights on IELTS essay structure and content.

Writing Task

The table below shows the changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The table illustrated people in households by type of household and family in Canada with five features: One person, No children, Dependent children, Non-dependent children and Lone parent. Overall, Dependent children accounted the most percentage with 52%, meanwhile Lone parent just has 4% in 1984. However, in 1994, Dependent children was slightly decreased by lost 5% each, Non-dependent children was static steady and Lone parent was fairly increased with 2%. In addition, One person and No children were not increased too much. From 2004 to 2014, every type of household were pretty increased except Dependent children. It was the only which decreased. From 1984 till 2020, there were a little bit changed. One person and No children was faintly increased from 6% to 12% and 19% to 25%. Addictionally, Lone parent was increased the most by 8% each. Dependent children at first had the most percentage but in 2020 it was significantly decreased with lost 16%. And the finally, Non-dependent children was trivial increased or decreased.
Words: 166Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 09:55 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe changes in household types in Canada over time, but it lacks clear organization and logical flow. The introduction is present but doesn't provide a clear overview. Paragraphs are not well-structured, and transitions between ideas are weak, making it difficult to follow the progression of information. Some sentences are fragmented or awkwardly constructed, affecting coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in verb tense and subject-verb agreement to maintain coherence.
  • Use more cohesive devices such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'meanwhile' correctly to link ideas and paragraphs.
  • Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main trends and changes observed in the data.
  • Improve paragraph structure by grouping related information together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at precision, but there are noticeable errors and awkward expressions. For example, phrases like "the table illustrated people in households" and "was static steady" are incorrect or awkward. Additionally, words like "addictionally" should be corrected to "additionally." The essay attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "slightly decreased" and "significantly decreased," but the overall lexical resource is limited.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetitive phrases and attempt to use synonyms to enhance lexical range.
  • Correct spelling errors and awkward phrases to improve clarity and accuracy.
  • Incorporate linking words to better connect ideas, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' and 'consequently.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe data changes, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fluctuate,' 'remain stable.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic grammatical range, with some correct use of simple and compound sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Improve tense consistency. For example, 'was slightly decreased by lost 5%' should be 'slightly decreased by losing 5%'.
  • Enhance sentence variety by using more complex sentences. For instance, use subordinate clauses to connect ideas more fluidly.
  • Use appropriate comparative structures, e.g., 'was fairly increased with 2%' should be 'increased by 2%.'
  • Avoid awkward phrasing, such as 'there were a little bit changed.' Consider 'there were slight changes.'
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, e.g., 'Dependent children accounted the most percentage' should be 'Dependent children accounted for the highest percentage.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of household type changes in Canada from 1984 to 2020. It mentions the main trends, such as the decrease in households with dependent children and the increase in lone parent households. However, it lacks specific data points and comparisons that would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the summary.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe changes, such as 'slight increase' or 'significant decrease,' to improve clarity.
  • Make clearer comparisons between different household types over the years to highlight significant trends and changes.
  • Ensure all relevant information from the table is covered, such as the steady percentage of non-dependent children households.
  • Include more specific data points from the table to support the trends mentioned, such as exact percentage changes for each household type.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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