BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND COMPARISON OF CANADIAN FOOD PREFERENCES AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS' GROWTH (1960-2015)

Explore our IELTS essay sample that analyzes Canadian preferences for takeaway food and the growth of Indian restaurants in Canada from 1960 to 2016. Uncover insights into the popularity of Thai, Chinese, Mexican, and Greek cuisines. Benchmark your band 6.5 score against this detailed analysis and superbly presented data interpretation.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie chart demonstrates the preferred takeaways of Canadian people and the bar chart shows the number of India restaurants in Canada from 1960 to 2016. In the general trend, Thai was Canadian most favorite takeaways while Mexican, Chinese and Greek was the least. There was a lot of Indian restaurants in Canada, which happened from 2007 to 2015 while in the previous years there were not. Canada considers Thai as the top popular takeaways about 34 percents. However, China has 3 percent of the takeaways. There is 1 percent of the favorite takeaways in Mexican and Greek. From 1960 to 1997, there was a significant increase in the number of Indian restaurant, which was almost 8000. Then, from 2000 to 2015, the number of Indian restaurants started to grew rapidly, which was approximately 8500. For this reason, a lot of people love to eat Indian foods and imitate Indian culture.
Words: 151Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 07:57 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents information on Canadian takeaway preferences and the number of Indian restaurants, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. The use of linking words is inconsistent, and some sentences are disjointed, affecting coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt topic shifts by providing brief transitions between different data points.
  • Use more linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'in addition,' 'on the other hand') to clearly connect ideas and comparisons.
  • Ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one to maintain a smooth flow of information.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the data, but there are some inaccuracies and repetition. Words like 'takeaways' and 'restaurants' are used correctly, but there are errors in pluralization and word choice, such as 'Thai was Canadian most favorite' and 'grew rapidly.'

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise words, e.g., 'grew rapidly' could be 'increased significantly.'
  • Use correct plural forms, e.g., 'Thai was Canadians' most favorite' should be 'Thai was Canadians' most favorite'.
  • Vary vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using 'cuisine' or 'dishes' instead of repeating 'takeaways'.
  • Ensure correct prepositions and articles, such as 'the number of Indian restaurants started to grew' should be 'started to grow.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some errors in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but some sentences lack clarity due to grammatical inaccuracies.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the top popular takeaways' should be 'the most popular takeaway.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Thai was Canadian most favorite takeaways' should be 'Thai was Canada's most favorite takeaway.'
  • Use consistent tense forms, especially when describing trends over time. 'Started to grew' should be 'started to grow.'
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring clarity, e.g., 'a lot of Indian restaurants in Canada, which happened from 2007 to 2015 while in the previous years there were not' could be rephrased for clarity.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a basic overview of the data presented in the charts, mentioning the popularity of Thai takeaways and the increase in Indian restaurants. However, it lacks a comprehensive and accurate summary of the main features and fails to make effective comparisons where relevant.

Recommendations:

  • Include more detailed comparisons between different takeaway preferences and the growth trend of Indian restaurants.
  • Avoid assumptions not supported by data, such as the reason for the popularity of Indian food.
  • Use more precise language to describe trends and percentages, and ensure consistency in tense and subject-verb agreement.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data. For example, Thai is the most popular takeaway, not the least, and the number of Indian restaurants is not accurately described.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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