BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: GLOBAL PRODUCTION PROJECTIONS BY SECTOR FOR 2040 AND 2060 ANALYSIS

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a Band 6.0 score that offers future projections for production sectors in 2040 and 2060. Uncover insights on industry development and declining traditional industries. Ideal for IELTS preparation and understanding economic trends.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts show projected production by sector in 2040 and 2060 and the charts is quiet same in each of parts. Generally, the two charts don't change so much. In 2040, the average of services is the most common in the world and it is too in 2060. Following that, manufacturing is the second in two charts with more thirty percent. However, the number of each the rest aren't notiecable. For instance, info-com tech is the third between two years. Whereas, the materials and energy are under ten percent and the agriculture is the least with only 1 and 3 percent. So, it is the least common and the humans only focus on developing industries such as manufacturing or services in the future. Overall, the two pie charts have shown about the future of mankind. This future is the great development of industry and the decline of traditional industries. Therefore, we can hope about a positive future of a modern world.
Words: 162Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 03:37 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the projected production by sector in 2040 and 2060 but lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There are some linking words used, but they are not always employed effectively to enhance coherence. The essay jumps between points without clear transitions, making it difficult to follow the argument. Additionally, some sentences are incomplete or unclear, which affects the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition and ensure each sentence adds new information or insight to the essay.
  • Improve the use of linking words to connect ideas smoothly and logically between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully before moving to the next point.
  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and guide the reader through your points.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words. However, there are several inaccuracies and word choice issues that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data, such as 'dominant', 'predominant', or 'minimal' instead of 'common' or 'least common'.
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating 'the most common', use 'predominant' or 'leading sector'.
  • Enhance the use of collocations and phrases related to data description, like 'account for', 'constitute', or 'represent'. For example, 'Services account for the largest share in both years.'
  • Ensure that vocabulary used in comparisons is accurate and clear, such as 'greater than', 'less than', or 'comparable to' instead of 'more' or 'under'. This helps in precise data comparison.
  • Correct spelling errors such as 'notiecable' to 'noticeable' and 'quiet' to 'quite'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic grammatical range, but there are noticeable issues with sentence structure and verb tense consistency. Simple sentences are used effectively, but complex structures are limited and often incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid double negatives, e.g., 'aren't notiecable' should be 'are not noticeable.'
  • Use a wider range of conjunctions to create complex sentences, e.g., 'Although the charts are similar, there are some differences in sector proportions.'
  • Maintain consistent verb tenses, e.g., 'is the most common' and 'it is too' should be 'remains the most common.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'the charts is' should be 'the charts are.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a basic overview of the projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060, identifying services and manufacturing as the dominant sectors. However, it lacks depth in summarizing and comparing the main features of the charts, such as specific percentage changes and the significance of these changes.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure accurate spelling and grammar to improve clarity, such as correcting 'notiecable' to 'noticeable' and 'quiet' to 'quite.'
  • Avoid vague statements like 'the charts is quiet same' and provide a clearer comparison of changes over time.
  • Explain the significance of the changes or lack thereof in the sectors, such as why certain sectors might grow or decline.
  • Include specific data from the charts, such as exact percentages for each sector, to support your observations and make more precise comparisons.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay