Help us improve!Share your feedback and help make IELTS CHAMP better for everyone.

Leave Feedback

BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: FUTURE PROJECTIONS OF GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR IN 2040 AND 2060

Explore our comprehensive analysis of IELTS essay sample scored band 6.0! Our page provides detailed insight into global production projections for sectors like services, manufacturing, energy, and more for years 2040 and 2060. Useful for IELTS aspirants aiming for a high score!

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The given pie charts illustrate date about projections for global production be sector in years 2040 and 2060. Overall, the most projected production in both years will be services. After that manufacturing will be the the second most projected production. These two pie charts also show date about production such as energy, agriculture, materials and also info-com tech. Comparatively, in year 2040 the services will be the most projected production with 40% which it will have the same projection in 2060 with a slight different. Secondly the most projected production in 2040 is manufacturing with 31% and it will have a slight increase in the year 2060. To explain more info-com tech having the most projection with 15% in year 2040 and 1% of increase in 2060. However energy will be 7% projected in 2040 it will have a 2% reduction in the year 2060. The next decrease will belong to agriculture which from 4% in first year it will lose 3% in the second year. The last projected production will be materials. This production will assign 3% in 2040 but it will have a slight increase in year 2060. Generally, projected productions such as services and manufacturing will remain stable while the others with increase or reduction.
Words: 208Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 06:37 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents information on projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060, with a focus on services and manufacturing. It attempts to compare and contrast the data between the two years.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'most projected production' by varying language to maintain reader engagement.
  • Clarify comparisons by explicitly stating differences or similarities, ensuring each point is clear and concise.
  • Ensure logical flow by organizing information more clearly, using paragraphs to separate different sectors or comparisons.
  • Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and comparisons, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' and 'however.'

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words. However, there are frequent errors in word choice and formality that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptions, such as 'slightly different' to 'minor variation.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'increase' to 'rise' or 'growth.'
  • Avoid repetition of phrases like 'most projected production' by using synonyms or rephrasing.
  • Correct spelling and word choice errors, such as 'date' to 'data' and 'be' to 'by.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity and accuracy. Simple sentences are used more frequently than complex ones, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve variety, such as combining sentences with conjunctions.
  • Correct repeated words like 'the the' to improve clarity.
  • Use appropriate verb forms, such as 'will assign' should be 'will be assigned.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct, such as 'illustrate date' should be 'illustrate data'.
  • Pay attention to word choice, such as 'slight different' should be 'slight difference.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060, highlighting services and manufacturing as the dominant sectors. It also notes changes in other sectors like info-com tech, energy, agriculture, and materials. The essay attempts to summarize the main features and make relevant comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'rise,' 'fall,' 'remain stable,' etc.
  • Ensure accuracy in data reporting. For example, info-com tech is projected at 16% in 2060, not just a 1% increase.
  • Provide a clearer summary of the main features and trends at the beginning of the essay.
  • Improve coherence by organizing the information logically, perhaps by discussing all sectors in 2040 before moving to 2060.
  • Clarify and correct grammatical errors such as 'date' instead of 'data' and 'be sector' instead of 'by sector.'
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay