BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: FUTURE PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BY SECTOR IN 2040 AND 2060 ANALYSIS

Explore our detailed analysis of IELTS band 6.0 essay sample focused on interpreting global production predictions for 2040 and 2060 across various sectors such as services, manufacturing, agriculture, and energy. Find insights on projected growth and decline trends in our comprehensive comparison of pie charts for effective IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

The charts show projections for global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

These two pie charts provide information about the prediction's specific plan for global production by sector in two different years 2040 and 2060, in 6 differents area. Overally, as can be seen easily, the predictable plan for services and manufacturing are same in two years while agriculture will be decreased in 2060. In addition about the energy and agriculture it will be declaimed. When comparing these two pie charts, has been protected info-come tech will be risen from 15 % in 2040 to 16% in 2060, furtheremore manufacturing and services will be peaked from 40% and 31 % in 2040 to 33% and 41% in 2060, respectively. In comparison, agriculture and energy will be gone down from 4% and 7% in 2040 to 1% and 5% in 2060, respectively. Consequently, will be predicted the services, materials and manufacturing and info-com tech will be increased gradually, by contrast about energy and agriculture, there is prediction they will be gone down steadly.
Words: 160Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 03:51 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents information on global production projections, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. The introduction is broad, and there is some repetition and inconsistency in data presentation. The essay's structure could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear paragraphing to separate the description of each sector or comparison.
  • Avoid repetition and ensure consistency in data presentation.
  • Use varied linking words to enhance the flow of information.
  • Clarify the introduction by clearly stating the purpose and main features of the charts.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas, linking sentences and paragraphs with appropriate connectors.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary to describe the projected changes in global production by sector, but there are several issues with word choice and usage that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary range by including synonyms and varied expressions (e.g., 'declined' instead of 'gone down').
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe changes (e.g., 'increased gradually' instead of 'will be increased gradually').
  • Avoid incorrect collocations (e.g., 'gone down steadly' should be 'decrease steadily').
  • Correct word forms and usage (e.g., 'prediction's specific plan' should be 'predictions for global production').

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay attempts to use a range of grammatical structures but contains several errors that affect clarity and coherence. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure, which sometimes obscure the intended meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure for clarity, e.g., "The predictions for services and manufacturing remain constant, while agriculture is expected to decrease by 2060."
  • Use more varied sentence structures, such as complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Avoid unnecessary passive constructions, e.g., "it is predicted that..." instead of "will be predicted."
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., "the predictable plan... is the same" instead of "are same."
  • Correct tense usage, e.g., "will decrease" instead of "will be decreased."

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the projected global production by sector for 2040 and 2060. It mentions changes in sectors such as services, manufacturing, agriculture, energy, and info-com tech, providing some specific percentage changes. However, it lacks clarity and accuracy in describing the main features and trends.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition and ensure grammatical accuracy for better readability. For example, correct phrases like 'gone down steadly' to 'decline steadily.'
  • Ensure all sectors mentioned in the charts are covered comprehensively. The essay should not omit any sector that is part of the data.
  • Use more structured comparisons to clearly highlight changes between 2040 and 2060, ensuring logical flow and coherence.
  • Clearly and accurately describe the main features and trends shown in the charts. Avoid vague terms like 'predictable plan' and use precise language.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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