BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARISON STUDY OF INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES IN 2004 AND 2012

Explore our comprehensive IELTS essay sample with a band score of 5.5. This page provides detailed analysis on the number and proportion of foreign students moving to the USA, UK, Australia, and Canada for studying in 2004 and 2012. Understand key trends, compare different countries, and review how proportions changed over time. This resource is an invaluable tool for anyone preparing for the IELTS exam or interested in international education trends.

Writing Task

The bar chart show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

the give graph and data provide information about the number and proportion of foreign students who moved to USA, UK, Australia, Canada for study in 2004 and 2012. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that American University had the highest number of foreign students, while Canada had the smallest portion in both survey times. Furthermore, USA accounted fot the least percentile of abroad student of total,this indicate that the number of total student in America dominated the three countries. USA accommodated 175000 foreign students. this was followed by UK and Australia with the equal number of 120000. However the number of individual who came to Canada with aim to studying was substantially lower, which was under 50000. In terms of foreign pupils in 2012, they were followed similar pattern same to 2012. 240000 people moved to USA , which is considerably greater than its recorded figure in 2012. Australia and UK accounted for the second highest numbers of student with 200000. Regarding proportion represented in table, 19% of the whole Australian students were foreigner which was significantly more than the three others. The alternation in the number of students were more than the other, which increased from 9% to 13%. Surprisingly, USA foreigner students remains constant at 2%.
Words: 211Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 11:51 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the data but lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not logically organized, and transitions between points are often abrupt or missing. There is some repetition and inconsistency in the presentation of information, which affects the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in data presentation by verifying numbers and using a uniform format.
  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however', 'in contrast', 'similarly') to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
  • Avoid repetition by summarizing similar points together and ensuring each paragraph has a distinct focus.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the data (e.g., overall trends, individual country comparisons).

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetitions. There is an attempt to use more complex words and phrases, but errors are present, affecting clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure accurate spelling and usage of vocabulary, such as 'give' instead of 'given' and 'fot' instead of 'for.'
  • Use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'students from abroad' instead of repeatedly saying 'foreign students.'
  • Incorporate more precise academic vocabulary, like 'enrollment' instead of 'moved to,' to enhance the formal tone.
  • Improve the use of collocations and phrases, such as 'moved to study' instead of 'moved to USA, UK, Australia, Canada for study.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, though there are errors that affect clarity and precision. Simple sentences dominate, with occasional attempts at more complex structures. However, these attempts often result in grammatical mistakes that impede understanding.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure by varying sentence length and complexity. Use more subordinate clauses to enhance coherence.
  • Use articles appropriately, e.g., 'the USA' instead of 'USA.'
  • Ensure consistency in verb tenses to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, e.g., 'American University had' should be 'American universities had.'
  • Ensure proper punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to avoid run-on sentences.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the data from the bar chart and table, highlighting key figures and trends. It identifies the USA as having the highest number of foreign students and Canada the least, while also noting changes over time. However, the response lacks clarity in some areas and contains inaccuracies.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe changes, such as 'increase' or 'decrease' instead of 'alternation.'
  • Clarify comparisons and trends, such as the increase in foreign students in Australia and the UK.
  • Provide a clearer overview of the data at the beginning to set the context.
  • Ensure accuracy in data reporting, e.g., the statement about the USA's percentage remaining constant is incorrect.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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