BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING ENERGY CAPACITY PROPORTIONS OF 2015 AND 2040 PREDICTIONS

Explore our comprehensive IELTS essay sample discussing energy consumption trends from 2015 and estimated for 2040. Understand band 5.5 score essays that compare fossil fuel, solar, and wind energy capacities. Ideal resource for IELTS aspirants.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts compare the number of four energy capacities in GW in 2015 with the estimations for 2040. Overall, fossil fuels were the most popular energy capacity in the previous year while fossil fuels will still considered to be the most consumed of the energy capacity in the future year. In 2015, people did not use solar energy a lot but in 2040, nuclear energy is estimated to be the least popular energy consumption for them. Based on 2015, they used 64 percents of fossil fuels, which could consumed a lot of energy. Similarly, it is predicted that people will still consume fossil fuels, which will be approximately 44 percent. Nevertheless, people thought that solar energy was not useful around 2 percent in 2015. In 2040, it is estimated that nuclear energy will be dangerous for them to use around 5 percent. In 2015, wind was used to be a little consumed by people, which were 5 percents. While, in 2040, more people will think wind as an important energy source around 12 percent.
Words: 175Paragraphs: 6
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 03:28 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents an overview of the energy capacity changes between 2015 and 2040, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. There is some attempt at structuring paragraphs, but transitions between ideas are weak, and some sentences are disjointed, affecting the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices like 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'similarly' accurately to connect ideas.
  • Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance logical flow.
  • Group related information together to avoid repetition and maintain coherence.
  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to energy sources, but there are several inaccuracies and repetitions that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary variety. Introduce more varied adjectives and verbs to describe trends, such as 'predicted increase' or 'anticipated decline.'
  • Use precise terminology. Replace 'fossil fuels were the most popular' with 'fossil fuels constituted the largest share.'
  • Use correct forms and collocations. Replace 'could consumed' with 'consumed' and 'used to be a little consumed' with 'were minimally consumed.'
  • Avoid repetition. The phrase 'fossil fuels' is repeated excessively; consider using synonyms or restructuring sentences.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors affecting clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
  • Avoid sentence fragments and ensure each sentence is complete.
  • Use consistent verb tenses, especially when discussing past and future events.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a basic comparison of energy capacities between 2015 and 2040, identifying fossil fuels as the most consumed energy source in both years. It mentions changes in the usage of solar, nuclear, and wind energy but lacks specific details and clarity in some areas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of terminology, such as 'percent' instead of 'percents' for grammatical accuracy.
  • Clarify the distinction between 'energy capacity' and 'energy consumption' to ensure accurate reporting.
  • Highlight significant trends and changes, such as the increase in solar and wind energy, with precise figures.
  • Include specific data from the pie charts for all energy sources to provide a clearer comparison.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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