BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF LEISURE ACTIVITIES BY TOURISTS IN GREECE

Analyzing a Band 5.5 IELTS essay discussing tourist behaviors in China, America, and Turkey. The essay compares interest levels in beach activities and reading habits, revealing unique cultural insights. Ideal for IELTS aspirants seeking to understand scoring.

Writing Task

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

According the chart above, the number of tourist who spend their time at the beach in China are significantly the lowest ; besides the highest number of people who read the book can be find in China. However, Brazilian spended the most of their time at the beach. As can be seen in the chart,the second more reader are presented in America. Chinese tourists are not as intrested as Turkish and American tourists are in visiting the places. Nevertheless, interested in visiting the places are less than being at the beach or reading the book among all tourist from these four countries. As it shows in the chart, chineese and American tourists are respectively first and second tourists who are interested in reading the book instead the other activities. In conclusion, it should be notice that there is an inversely relationship between the number of tourists who are interested in reading and who are interested to spend their time at the beach.
Words: 162Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 04:00 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the data from the chart but struggles with coherence and cohesion. The ideas are somewhat disconnected, making it difficult to follow the argument logically. There are abrupt transitions between sentences, and linking words are not used effectively to guide the reader through the text. Some sentences are fragmented or not fully developed, which affects the overall flow and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Revise sentence structures to make them complete and coherent, avoiding fragments or run-on sentences.
  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'in addition,' 'similarly') to connect ideas and sentences more effectively.
  • Ensure each sentence contributes to the overall argument or description, avoiding abrupt transitions.
  • Improve the logical flow by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point or comparison.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are frequent errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more linking words to enhance coherence, such as 'furthermore' or 'in contrast.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe data, e.g., 'the lowest number' instead of 'significantly the lowest.'
  • Avoid repetition by varying expressions, e.g., 'reading books' instead of repeatedly saying 'read the book.'
  • Use collocations correctly, e.g., 'inverse relationship' instead of 'inversely relationship.'
  • Correct spelling errors such as 'spended' (spent), 'intrested' (interested), 'chineese' (Chinese), and 'notice' (noted).

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors impacting clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary repetition, e.g., 'interested in visiting the places' can be streamlined.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding fragments, e.g., 'As it shows in the chart, chineese and American tourists are respectively first and second tourists who are interested in reading the book instead the other activities.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the beach' and 'the book' should be used consistently.
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, e.g., 'the number of tourist who spend' should be 'the number of tourists who spend.'
  • Use consistent tense forms, e.g., 'Brazilian spended' should be 'Brazilians spent.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the leisure activities of tourists from four countries in Greece, highlighting differences in preferences between reading, beach activities, and visiting places. However, it lacks clarity and precision in reporting key features and making relevant comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the introduction and conclusion clearly reflect the main trends and insights from the data.
  • Include specific data points from the chart to support the statements, such as the exact number of hours spent on each activity by each group.
  • Make more explicit comparisons between the different nationalities, highlighting any notable trends or patterns.
  • Clearly identify and summarize the main features of the chart, such as which activities are most and least popular for each nationality.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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