BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS OF ENERGY CAPACITY FROM 2015 TO 2040 PREDICTIONS

Explore a detailed IELTS essay sample presenting a band 5.5 score analysis on the evolution of energy usage from 2015 to 2040. Gain insights on fossil fuels, solar, wind, and nuclear energy capacity changes. Discover forecasted trends in renewables and fossil fuel utilization.

Writing Task

The pie charts below compare the proportion of energy capacity in gigawatts (GW) in 2015 with the predictions for 2040.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The most noticeable feature is the fossils fuels in both 2015, 2040 which respectively 44% and 64% also the use of capacity of energy almost doubling from 6.688 gigawatts to 11.678 gigawatts. The lowest feature in 2015 is 2% in using solar and in 2040 is 5% nuclear. On the other hand, it is predicted there will be a dramatic rise in the proportion of energy capacity from solar energy with jump from 2% to 18% in 2040. The wind capacity also is anticipated to increase more than 5% in 1025 to 12 % in 2040. However, other renewables is estimated that will decrease from 23% to 21% in the future. Finally, nuclear is fallen from 6% to 5% in 2040, the projected proportion for nuclear energy will be 5% in 2040, a slight decline from 6%. It is clear that in 2024 people use more solar and other renewables instead of fossil fuels.
Words: 154Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 03:46 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to organize information logically and uses some linking words. However, it lacks clear paragraphing and logical flow, which affects coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use varied linking words to enhance cohesion.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas with appropriate use of linking words.
  • Avoid repetition and ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall understanding.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or comparisons.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to energy sources, but there are errors and limitations in word choice and usage. Some expressions are unclear or awkward, affecting the clarity of the message.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe changes, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'rise,' and 'fall,' instead of vague terms like 'jump' or 'dramatic rise.'
  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to energy and predictions, such as 'projected growth,' 'anticipated increase,' or 'forecasted decline.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or varied expressions, especially for phrases like 'it is predicted' and 'rise.'
  • Clarify unclear expressions, such as 'the lowest feature in 2015,' to improve comprehension.
  • Ensure correct usage of prepositions and articles, as seen in phrases like 'the fossils fuels' and 'the use of capacity of energy.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and contains several grammatical errors, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure plural forms are used correctly, e.g., 'fossils fuels' should be 'fossil fuels.'
  • Use correct tense forms, e.g., 'nuclear is fallen' should be 'nuclear falls.'
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences, e.g., break down 'The most noticeable feature is the fossils fuels in both 2015, 2040 which respectively 44% and 64% also the use of capacity of energy almost doubling from 6.688 gigawatts to 11.678 gigawatts' into clearer sentences.
  • Use linking words to improve coherence, e.g., 'Finally' should be used to conclude the entire discussion, not just introduce a new point.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'fossil fuels in both 2015, 2040 which respectively 44% and 64%' should be 'fossil fuels in both 2015 and 2040 are 44% and 64%, respectively.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a basic overview of the main features of the pie charts, focusing on the changes in energy capacity proportions from 2015 to 2040. It highlights the increase in fossil fuels, solar, and wind energy, while noting decreases in nuclear and other renewables. However, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and some comparisons are not fully developed.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude with a summary of the main trends and their implications.
  • Ensure that all key features are covered, including both increases and decreases across all energy types.
  • Develop comparisons between 2015 and 2040 more thoroughly, explaining trends and their significance.
  • Include a clear introduction that outlines the purpose of the essay.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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