BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ROAD TRANSPORT TRENDS IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES

Explore our IELTS essay sample that analyses road transportation plans across various European countries. Find out why Denmark leads in car and public transportation usage, why the UK and Germany spend the most time commuting, and more. Improve your IELTS band score with our expertly crafted samples.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

No doubts that road transportation plans helping people for better traveling therefor statics are there to assist people to know the type of transportation can be used, Kilometers and duration and so on. The chart shows that traveling by car is more convenient to the people that is why people can driver longer and cute more millage or kilometers. as shown that Denmark is the highest country using car which is 12000 km per year, followed by France and Italy. Most of EU countries at 10000 km averagely and the lowest is Spain at 8000 km plus. On the other hand, Using the public transportation and bike is common for many people which does not cost them much and less kilometers. We can see in this chart the Denmark is the highest again using the public transportation and bike at 3000 km per year, followed by Italy then EU countries at average of 1250 km almost equal to Germany and Spain and the lowest country is UK which is below 1000 km. People in UK and Germany spending more time with almost 45 minutes per day, followed by France and Denmark, while average of EU countries and Spain at 30 minutes per day and the lowest is Italy at 20 minutes per day
Words: 213Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 10:27 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the data from the bar charts but lacks clear organization and logical flow. It starts with a general statement, then moves to specific data without a clear structure. Transitions between ideas are weak, and there is little use of cohesive devices, making it difficult to follow the progression of information.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that comparisons are explicitly stated and logically ordered to enhance clarity.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a logical flow (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' 'Furthermore').
  • Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion and summarize key points.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the data (e.g., travel by car, public transportation, commuting time).

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at more complex language. However, there are errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and precision. The use of words like "statics" instead of "statistics" and "cute more millage" instead of "cover more mileage" indicates a need for more accurate word choice. Additionally, phrases such as "no doubts that" and "helping people for better traveling" are awkward and could be improved for clarity and naturalness. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to enhance the description and comparison of data.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence and flow, such as 'therefore' instead of 'therefor.'
  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to describe and compare data, avoiding repetition and using synonyms where possible.
  • Improve collocations and expressions for clarity, such as 'there is no doubt that' instead of 'no doubts that.'
  • Use precise and appropriate vocabulary, such as 'statistics' instead of 'statics' and 'cover more mileage' instead of 'cute more millage.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors that impact clarity and coherence. Simple sentences are mostly accurate, but complex structures often contain mistakes.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'the Denmark' should be 'Denmark.'
  • Capitalize proper nouns consistently, e.g., 'EU countries' instead of 'EU countries.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by using conjunctions or separating into shorter sentences.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'transportation plans helping people' should be 'transportation plans help people.'
  • Ensure correct verb forms, e.g., 'statics are there' should be 'statistics are available.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the main features of the bar charts related to road transport in European countries. It highlights key statistics, such as Denmark's high car usage and comparisons between countries for public transport and commuting times. However, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and some details are inaccurately presented.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the coherence of the essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs.
  • Include a conclusion summarizing the main points and insights derived from the data.
  • Make more explicit comparisons between countries to enhance the analysis.
  • Provide a clear introduction outlining the purpose of the essay and what the charts depict.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data, such as correcting the mileage figures for Denmark and other countries.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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