BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING PEOPLE'S MOTIVATIONS AND TIMELINES TO QUIT SMOKING

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 5.5 score. Understand the key reasons and timeline of people quitting smoking, including health risks and financial implications. Learn from real-life examples and motivational factors behind smokers intending to quit.

Writing Task

The tables below show people's reasons for giving up smoking, and when they intend to give up.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The demonstrated charts mentioned five main reasons that people tend to give up smoking and the time of this happens. The effect of smoking on health in general is the first reason among others by 71 percent directly and 37 percent of the reasons indirectly are related to health for instance risk of getting illnesses and another major factor is financial problems by 31 percent. other reasons are family pressure. About the time we can see that 71 percent of smokers tend to give it up compared to 29 percent who do not want to quit smoking.35 percent of smokers want to quit it after 6 months and 21 percent of them after next year find this feeling, unfortunately just 12 % of them find the fact that they should give it up. So we found that most of smokers tend to quit it especially because of the financial pressure.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 12:30 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay provides a basic overview of the tables but lacks clear organization and logical progression. Ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the analysis. There is a lack of clear topic sentences and transitions between points, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion of the text.

Recommendations:

  • Improve transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance flow.
  • Group related information logically to improve paragraph structure.
  • Use clear topic sentences to introduce each main idea or paragraph.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central focus related to the task.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the task, but there are areas where word choice and usage could be improved for greater precision and variety. Some phrases are repeated, and there are minor errors in word form and collocation.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex and varied expressions to describe data, such as 'a significant proportion' instead of 'by 71 percent.'
  • Use linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion, such as 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently.'
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'give up' with 'quit' or 'cease' in some instances.
  • Ensure accurate word forms and collocations, such as 'when this happens' instead of 'the time of this happens.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay attempts to describe the reasons and timing for giving up smoking, but it faces challenges in grammatical range and accuracy. The sentences are often fragmented or lack proper structure, which affects clarity. There is a need for more complex sentence structures to enhance the grammatical range.

Recommendations:

  • Use conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas more clearly.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage throughout the essay.
  • Avoid sentence fragments by ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and predicate.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to improve grammatical range.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the tables, highlighting the main reasons for giving up smoking and the timing of quitting intentions. However, it lacks clarity and completeness in presenting the data accurately.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all reasons and timings are covered, not just the most popular ones.
  • Make more precise comparisons between the different categories of smokers.
  • Clearly state the main features of both tables, including specific percentages and comparisons.
  • Avoid making incorrect assertions, such as stating financial pressure is the main reason without supporting data.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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