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BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF SEASONAL FOOD SALES AT BRISK CAFÉ

Explore our IELTS Band 5.5 essay sample analyzing food sales data at Brisk Café across winter and summer seasons. Discover the fluctuating preferences for hot coffee, iced coffee, soup, salad and ice cream, and gain insights into consumer behavior through our detailed breakdown.

Writing Task

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The chart shows the average of food and snacks that are sell in brisk café in one day in two seasons, winter and summer. As it shows, in winter the most favourable food is hot coffee with more than 70% of selling amount but Iced coffee has percent whivh is about 2. Although, it is extremely different in summer. It has been illustrate that Iced coffee is more desirable in summer with 40% and hot coffee and hot foods (soup) are at the lowest level of selling with 25% and 30% in order. In addition, this is interesting that in there is no differences in salad selling in two mentiond seasons. the percentage of salad selling is 25 in both of them, yet soup is not favorite of buyers in summer (about 25% of selling) however in is best-loved in winter. Nevertheless, Ice cream is opposite of soup. It has been sold more in summer with 35% and less in winter with 25%.
Words: 163Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 06:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the seasonal sales trends of various food items at Brisk Café. It provides comparisons between winter and summer sales but lacks clarity and logical progression in some areas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure logical progression of ideas by grouping similar items together. For example, discuss hot and iced coffee in one section before moving on to other items.
  • Use clear linking words and phrases to connect ideas and comparisons, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'on the other hand.'
  • Clarify unclear references, such as '2' for iced coffee sales, to ensure the reader understands the data accurately.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect or comparison to improve flow and coherence.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are several errors and limitations in word choice and usage. Some words are used inaccurately, and there is a lack of variety in vocabulary. The essay uses simple language and lacks more sophisticated lexical choices that could enhance the description and comparison of the data.

Recommendations:

  • Use specific and accurate vocabulary related to data description, such as 'proportion', 'percentage', 'trend', 'comparison', and 'fluctuation'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'preferred' instead of 'favourable' and 'sold' instead of 'sell'.
  • Enhance vocabulary related to seasons and temperature, using terms like 'seasonal variation' or 'weather impact' to add depth to the analysis.
  • Correct the misuse of words and phrases, such as 'illustrate' and 'percent', to ensure accurate communication.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors that may impede understanding. Simple sentences are used predominantly, and there is a lack of complex sentence structures.

Recommendations:

  • Use more complex sentence structures to enhance variety, such as using relative clauses or conditional sentences.
  • Ensure consistent use of tenses, e.g., 'It has been illustrate' should be 'It is illustrated' or 'It has been illustrated.'
  • Use conjunctions more effectively to link ideas, such as 'however' and 'although' in appropriate contexts.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'are sell' should be 'are sold'.
  • Correct errors in verb forms, e.g., 'has percent whivh is about 2' should be 'has a percentage of about 2%'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides a general overview of the sales data for Brisk Café, comparing winter and summer sales. It identifies the most and least popular items in each season but lacks precision in reporting specific figures and making clear comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Summarize the main trends at the beginning or end of the essay for better clarity.
  • Ensure accurate representation of data. For example, verify the percentages mentioned in the essay against the graph.
  • Make clear and direct comparisons between seasons for each item to highlight differences and similarities.
  • Include specific data points from the graph to support your statements, such as exact sales numbers for each item in both seasons.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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