BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF POPULAR TAKEAWAYS AND INDIAN RESTAURANTS IN CANADA (1960-2015)

Explore our IELTS essay sample that focuses on the rising popularity of takeaways, particularly Indian cuisine, in Canada from 1960 to 2015. Find out more about the evolving food trends and demands, and the substantial growth of Indian restaurants over the decades.

Writing Task

The charts below show the favorite takeaways of people in Canada and the number of Indian restaurants in Canada between 1960 and 2015.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The charts demonstrate the amount of interest among people in takeaways and the trends of growth in Indian restaurant in Canada from 1960 to 2015. It is clear that chinses and Indian foods are the most popular among other traditional dishes. In contrast Japanese and Mexican have the lowest proportion in compare. Furthermore, the rate of demand for Indian food has been gradually increased from 1960 to 2007, while it experienced a negligible fall and maintained unchanged up to 2015. Chinese dishes had the biggest proportion of popularity at 34%, while Greek foods had the lowest proportion by far at 1% in Canada. Although Persian and Italian food had respectively 9% and 10% of demands, Indian cuisine remained more beloved. Number of Indian restaurant started from approximately 200 in 1960 and experienced a dramatic growth annually. In 1997, the number of restaurant increased to just under 8000, but two years later, it hit its highest point at 9000. Although it experienced a slow decrees of 8000 in 20011, it retched 8000 growth in 2015 and remained unchanged.
Words: 177Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 03:10 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a good attempt at organizing information with some logical progression. However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved for better clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Break down longer sentences into shorter ones to avoid confusion and improve readability.
  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and sentences. For example, use 'however,' 'in addition,' or 'moreover' to show contrast or add information.
  • Ensure consistent use of tenses to maintain coherence. For example, 'experienced a slow decrees of 8000 in 20011' should be 'experienced a slow decrease to 8000 in 2011.'
  • Clarify ambiguous statements, such as 'retched 8000 growth in 2015,' to ensure clear communication.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common words such as "proportion," "negligible," and "dramatic growth." However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and usage, such as "chinses" instead of "Chinese," "decrees" instead of "decrease," and "retched" instead of "reached." These errors affect clarity and precision. Additionally, phrases like "in compare" should be corrected to "in comparison." The essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary and precise word usage to enhance clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistency in tense usage to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use correct phrases, such as replacing "in compare" with "in comparison."
  • Incorporate more varied vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons, such as "fluctuated," "stabilized," or "peaked."
  • Correct spelling errors like "chinses" to "Chinese," "decrees" to "decrease," and "retched" to "reached."

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors and areas for improvement. The use of tenses is mostly appropriate, though there are some inconsistencies, such as "has been gradually increased" instead of "has gradually increased." Subject-verb agreement is another area needing attention, as seen in "Number of Indian restaurant started" where it should be "restaurants started." Additionally, there are issues with word forms, such as "decrees" instead of "decrease," and "retched" which seems to be a typo for "reached." The sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited complex structures, which could be enhanced to show a wider range of grammatical ability.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a broader grammatical range.
  • Use correct verb forms and tenses, such as "has gradually increased" instead of "has been gradually increased."
  • Correct word forms and typos, like "decrees" to "decrease" and "retched" to "reached."
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in phrases like "Number of Indian restaurant started."

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the charts, including the popularity of different cuisines and the growth of Indian restaurants in Canada. It identifies Chinese and Indian foods as the most popular and notes the increase in Indian restaurants from 1960 to 2015. The essay also highlights the peak and subsequent stabilization of Indian restaurant numbers.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the description of trends, for example, by explaining the 'negligible fall' in demand for Indian food more clearly.
  • Ensure all data points are accurately represented, such as correcting the year '20011' to '2011' and clarifying the numbers and trends accurately.
  • Include more specific comparisons and detailed data from the charts to enhance the analysis, such as mentioning the exact percentages for each cuisine.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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