BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF E-COMMERCE ADOPTION ACROSS CANADIAN INDUSTRIES (2015-2019)

Explore our Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample, providing a detailed analysis of Canadian e-commerce trends between 2015 and 2019 across various sectors. Delve into the growth rate of businesses in retail, construction, wholesale, manufacturing, and information & communication making e-commerce purchases. Uncover key insights with our comprehensive IELTS essay samples!

Writing Task

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The bar chart gives information on proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases in five different section in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Looking from an overall perpective, information and communication filed comprises the highest proportion in contrast to construction section. As the table shows, in 2015, the amount of business making e-commerce purchases in industry in Retail and construction were the least while in information filed and wholesale were higher with 60% and 40% respectively . Altough in three section namely retail, wholesale and information and communications there is not considerable growth between 2016 and 2017 , In the realm of manufacturing, there is a significant rise of 20% from 2015 to 2016 followed with a decline in the next year . Up to 2017, all the sections have revealed growth in the proportion of business making e-commerce buy in industry except retail and information and communication which have excperienced a slight fall in 2019.
Words: 155Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 05:35 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to present the data from the chart with some logical flow, but there are issues with coherence and cohesion, affecting the overall clarity and readability.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent terminology, such as 'field' instead of 'filed,' to maintain clarity.
  • Use linking words and phrases such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' to improve the flow between ideas and sentences.
  • Avoid abrupt shifts in ideas by providing context or explanation when transitioning between different data points or years.
  • Ensure clear paragraph structure by separating introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear purpose.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary but lacks precision and contains several lexical errors. Some words are used incorrectly, and there are spelling mistakes that affect clarity. There is an attempt to use more advanced vocabulary, but it is not always accurate.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fluctuate,' and 'stabilize.'
  • Ensure correct word choice, especially with industry-specific terminology, such as 'field' instead of 'filed.'
  • Correct spelling errors like 'Altough' to 'Although' and 'excperienced' to 'experienced.'
  • Use more precise terms for describing data, such as 'percentage' instead of 'amount' when referring to proportions.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some variety in tense usage. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'information and communication filed comprises' should be 'comprise.'
  • Improve article usage, e.g., 'the proportion of businesses' instead of 'proportion of businesses.'
  • Correct verb forms and tenses, e.g., 'have excperienced' should be 'experienced.'
  • Use consistent tense throughout, especially when describing data over time.
  • Avoid sentence fragments and ensure each sentence is complete, e.g., 'Looking from an overall perspective' needs to be integrated into a full sentence.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay provides an overview of the bar chart, identifying key trends in e-commerce purchases across different industries in Canada from 2015 to 2019. It highlights the dominance of the information and communication sector and notes changes in other sectors like manufacturing and retail. However, specific data points and comparisons are sometimes inaccurately or unclearly presented.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent terminology, such as 'field' instead of 'filed,' and ensure grammatical accuracy.
  • Provide more specific data comparisons to illustrate trends and differences clearly.
  • Clarify any ambiguous statements, such as "not considerable growth," by specifying what is meant by "considerable."
  • Ensure all data points mentioned are accurate and correspond correctly to the chart.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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