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BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING SURVEY RESULTS ON REASONS FOR MOVING TO A CAPITAL CITY

Explore our IELTS band 5.0 score essay sample discussing reasons people migrate from the city centre, such as employment, study, and family living. Gain insight into changes over 15 periods, main motivation shifts and their impact on population movement.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The line chart illustrates the kinds of propose that make individuals travel from the city centre of the country such as, study ,work, adventure or living as a family,over the 15 periods. from an overall perspective,studying and working are the main causes that make people decide to change their place to find a new chance ,However, the highest pr cent was people moves by employment. According to the chart given , it can be seen clearly that, study and work immigration percentage is the near employment started in the early period in 2000 over 80000 people was moved subsequences study pupils,at a rate 8000 at the same time .while the proportion of workers has a slight decline , both of them stood at the end of 2015 .family moving observed has elite and gradually increased from the beginning to be in rate 2000 at 2015. It is fine or not.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 02:19 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the line chart by mentioning key reasons for moving, such as employment and study. However, it lacks clear structure and logical progression, making it difficult to follow.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences smoothly.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure coherence by maintaining consistency in tense and subject matter.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with a logical flow, such as introduction, main features, and conclusion.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports it with relevant data from the chart.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. There are occasional attempts to use less common vocabulary, but errors in word form and collocation are present.

Recommendations:

  • Work on collocations and word forms. For instance, 'people moves' should be 'people move,' and 'subsequences study pupils' is unclear.
  • Use conjunctions and linking words more effectively to enhance coherence, such as 'while' and 'however,' placed correctly.
  • Expand vocabulary range by incorporating synonyms and varied expressions for common words like 'move' and 'change.'
  • Improve word choice by using more precise vocabulary. For example, replace 'propose' with 'purpose' and 'elite' with 'slight.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and contains frequent errors in sentence construction, punctuation, and verb tense usage.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to article usage and correct noun forms, such as 'purpose' instead of 'propose.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay.
  • Correct punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, to improve readability.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to summarize the main reasons people moved to the capital city, focusing on employment and study as primary factors. It mentions the trends over time but lacks clarity and completeness in describing the data.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all reasons for moving (employment, study, family/friends, adventure) are covered adequately in the summary.
  • Organize the essay logically, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, ensuring all points are covered systematically.
  • Clearly describe the main trends and data points from the chart, such as specific changes over time for each category.
  • Include more precise data from the chart, such as exact numbers or percentages, to support statements.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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