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BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF HOUSEHOLD CHANGES IN CANADA FROM 1984 TO 2020

Explore our detailed analysis of changes in Canadian household types, based on data from 1984 to 2020. Our IELTS essay sample, rated band 5.0, provides insight into family trends, the rise of single-parent homes and homes with no children. Dive into an engaging study of Canadian demographics over the years.

Writing Task

The table below shows the changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The changes in some household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020 are illustrated in the table below. Overall, the percentages in families who were one or did not have any children , and a lone parent showed an increase. Meanwhile, other families preferred to decrease the percentage of household types. Generally, we can observe that the largest of using household belonged to families that the number of children were very important, the number of which was equal to 52 percent. In addition to this, other families such as families who did not have any children, did not related to having children, and had an one person were located in the following positions. Furthermore, the lowest position belonged to a lone parent. After that, the percentage of household for dependent children decreased from 1994 to 2020. Finally, it reached 36 percent. Moreover, there were a similar situation for some families such as non-dependent children. However, there were an opposite condition in other families. In conclusion, using household for people who were lived in Canada was not distinguished based on the number of children.
Words: 183Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 02:53 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. There are issues with paragraphing, sentence structure, and use of cohesive devices, which affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of phrases and ensure each sentence contributes new information or insights.
  • Use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'however,' 'in contrast,' 'similarly') to link ideas and paragraphs logically.
  • Clarify the relationship between different household types and their trends over time to improve logical flow.
  • Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and usage. There is an attempt to use more complex words, but inaccuracies affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use precise vocabulary related to data description, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fluctuate,' and 'remain stable.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'families,' try 'households' or 'units.'
  • Improve collocations, for example, 'related to having children' could be 'associated with child-rearing.'
  • Use linking words to enhance coherence, such as 'consequently,' 'in contrast,' and 'similarly.'
  • Correct word choice errors, such as 'an one person' to 'a one-person household.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors that may impede clarity. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but they are often awkward or incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into simpler sentences, e.g., 'In addition to this, other families such as families who did not have any children, did not related to having children, and had an one person were located in the following positions.'
  • Use articles correctly, e.g., 'an one person' should be 'a one person.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'families who were one or did not have any children' should be corrected for clarity.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to describe the changes in household types in Canada from 1984 to 2020. It mentions some trends, such as increases in one-person households and lone-parent families, and decreases in households with dependent children. However, the essay lacks clarity and precision in summarizing key features and making relevant comparisons.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the introduction and conclusion accurately reflect the main points discussed in the essay.
  • Include specific data points from the table to support your descriptions and comparisons.
  • Make clear comparisons between different household types over the years to highlight significant changes.
  • Clearly identify and summarize the main trends and changes in household types, such as increases in one-person households and decreases in households with dependent children.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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