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BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND SUMMARY OF EUROPEAN ROAD TRANSPORT STATISTICS

Explore our IELTS 5.0 score essay sample examining Europe's transportation trends. It highlights the predominance of car usage, particularly in Denmark, while contrasting the varied transportation methods in the UK, Germany, Spain, France, and Italy. Dive into insightful statistics revealing average travel times and transportation preferences across Europe.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Based on statistics, travelers used their own car more than the others transportation. In addition Denmark has got the highest range in using car for traveling . The other graph shoes that more than 90% person in Uk and Germany use both ways . Although Denmark use their cars more than the other land in Europe but also in the others graph is on top of using other transportation like bikes or buses . As result this statistic shoes that people in Europe in average spend more than 30 minutes per day on roads and the highest uses belong to car users. And the lowest numbers of using car its for Spain and other transportation is for france . But Italy spend lowest time in the roads . In the end the result shoes that cars are more popular than the other transportation in Europe and its not good news for world.
Words: 152Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 06:13 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to describe the data from the bar charts but lacks clear organization and logical flow. It jumps between points without clear connections, making it difficult to follow the argument. There is an attempt to compare data, but it is not consistently clear or accurate. The use of linking words is limited and sometimes incorrect, which affects the overall coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'in contrast,' 'similarly') to connect ideas and comparisons clearly.
  • Ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one to improve the flow of information.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the data.
  • Clarify comparisons and ensure they are accurate based on the data provided.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words and phrases. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and formality, which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases to improve cohesion, such as 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'in contrast.'
  • Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and more formal expressions to replace basic words like 'shoes' with 'shows' and 'got' with 'achieved.'
  • Avoid repetition by using varied vocabulary. For example, instead of repeating 'other transportation,' use alternatives like 'alternative modes of transport.'
  • Correct errors in word choice and spelling, such as 'shoes' instead of 'shows' and 'its' instead of 'it's.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction, tense usage, and subject-verb agreement. Simple sentence structures dominate the text, and there are multiple grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition and ensure clarity by rephrasing sentences, such as 'the result shoes that cars are more popular.'
  • Ensure correct tense usage, such as using 'shows' instead of 'shoes.'
  • Use articles correctly; for example, 'the other transportation' should be 'other transportation.'
  • Improve sentence structure by using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, particularly in sentences like 'Denmark has got the highest range.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the task by discussing the main features of the bar charts, such as car usage in Denmark and comparisons between countries. However, it lacks clarity and specificity in summarizing and comparing the data accurately.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe the statistics and trends shown in the charts.
  • Avoid making unsupported conclusions or assumptions beyond the data presented.
  • Organize the essay logically, addressing each chart separately and then making comparisons.
  • Clearly summarize the main features of each chart, including specific data points and trends.
  • Ensure accurate comparisons between countries and transportation modes, using precise data from the charts.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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