BAND 4.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS AND SUMMARY OF EUROPEAN ROAD TRANSPORT INFORMATION

Discover intriguing insights on transport preferences across Europe with our IELTS Band 4.5 essay sample. From car journeys in Denmark to commuting times in the UK and Germany, explore how travel habits vary amongst these countries. Includes average travel distances and times across the EU.

Writing Task

The bar charts below give information on road transport in a number of European countries.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Most of us love travelling . But there are different ways to travel . By your own car or bus ,train ,metro or even bike . So here we want to talk people of some countries . Which transporter do they like more ? For travelling by car Denmark people are more interested in travelling by car. Germany people seems that don't like car as much as other countries. Italy and United Kingdom are almost the same . The average of EU is between 10000 and 12000 kilometres per year . About travelling by bus,train ,metro or bike people aren't that much interested in it . But Denmark people are interested in it . Other countries are almost the same with a small difference. About communiting time United Kingdom and Germany have the highest record . The average of EU is almost 30 minutes per day . We all hope that in future we all become more interested in travelling by general transporters .
Words: 164Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 01:59 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion, with abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas. The structure is fragmented, and sentences are disjointed, making it difficult to follow the argument. There is minimal use of linking words, and the paragraphs do not logically flow from one to another.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'for example.'
  • Avoid abrupt transitions by smoothly integrating comparisons and contrasts between countries.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with a logical flow of ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with relevant details.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. There are also several instances of informal language and phrasing that are not suitable for an academic essay.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid informal language and questions in academic writing. Use more formal and precise language, such as 'individuals in Denmark prefer traveling by car' instead of 'Denmark people are more interested in travelling by car.'
  • Incorporate a wider range of adjectives and adverbs to describe data more accurately, such as 'significantly higher' or 'marginally lower.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning and using more synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'citizens' instead of 'people' repeatedly.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay uses simple sentence structures and shows limited grammatical range. There are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments, affecting clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid sentence fragments by connecting ideas cohesively, e.g., combine 'Most of us love travelling.' and 'But there are different ways to travel.' into one sentence.
  • Use appropriate punctuation to avoid run-on sentences, e.g., replace periods with commas where needed.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'Germany people seems' should be 'German people seem.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the task by discussing preferences for road transport in several European countries. However, it lacks a clear summary of the main features and does not adequately compare the data presented in the charts. The essay includes some general statements about travel preferences but fails to systematically report the key data points from the charts.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all parts of the task are addressed, including all modes of transport and commuting time.
  • Avoid unnecessary generalizations and focus on data-driven observations.
  • Clearly summarize the main features of the charts, such as specific data points for each country.
  • Make relevant comparisons between countries using specific figures from the charts.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay