BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING SURVEY RESULTS ON REASONS FOR MOVING TO A CAPITAL CITY

Explore our in-depth analysis of IELTS band 5.5 essay sample comparing household spending trends in New Zealand and the UK from 1980 to 2008. Uncover insights on expenditure shifts in food, drink, utilities, leisure, transport and more. Ideal resource for IELTS preparation and academic research.

Writing Task

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.5 Scoring and Feedback

The charts demonstrate the portion of household spendings int New Zealand and the UK in years 1980 and 2008. Overall, the UK seems to maintain the habit of spending the most on leisure, while initially the biggest portion appears to belong to food and drink in New Zealand and then getting replaced by utility bills. The spending on the not listed expenses remains as the smallest piece in the chart in both countries. In 1980 in the UK people tended to dedicate 26 percent of their budget to utility bills it was pretty much the same for New Zealand with a rate of 27 percent. further in 2008 they both showed an increase in this aspect the UK’s percentage becoming 28 and New Zealand’s 31 becoming the biggest portion. Another aspect that raised in rate in both countries in 2008 are the not listed expenses being 9% at starting time and increasing slightly to 11 in both countries. New Zealand and the UK both cut down on the budget devoted to food and drink starting with 29 and 23 percent respectively in 1980 facing a dramatic drop to 13 percent in the UK and a slight fall to 25 % in New Zealand at the end. Also they both abated slightly in transport expenses; the rate being 15 in the UK and 17 in New Zealand at first and then increasing by 1 percent in both. unlike the UK whose biggest piece in 1980 was dedicated to leisure with a number of 27 percent and even raised further more to 34 , New Zealand started with 18 percent and even fell by one percent in 2008.
Words: 276Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 05:25 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, with some logical organization of information. However, there are issues with paragraph structure and the use of linking words.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Start with a topic sentence and support it with relevant details.
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and sentences.
  • Use consistent referencing to the data, ensuring clarity in comparisons and contrasts.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several areas where lexical precision and variety could be improved. Some words are used repetitively, and there are instances of incorrect word forms and usage, which slightly hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetitive vocabulary such as 'percent' and 'rate' by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences.
  • Use more precise language when describing changes, such as 'increased slightly' or 'decreased significantly,' to convey clearer meaning.
  • Incorporate more varied adjectives and adverbs to enhance descriptive quality and avoid monotony.
  • Correct word form errors, such as 'abated' used incorrectly, to improve lexical accuracy.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are several grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of prepositions. For example, 'further in 2008 they both showed an increase in this aspect' could be refined to 'furthermore, in 2008, both showed an increase in this aspect.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. For example, 'Another aspect that raised in rate' should be 'Another aspect that rose in rate.'
  • Use punctuation correctly to separate independent clauses. For instance, 'In 1980 in the UK people tended to dedicate 26 percent of their budget to utility bills it was pretty much the same for New Zealand' should be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction.
  • Pay attention to article usage. For example, 'the not listed expenses' should be 'unlisted expenses.'

Task Achievement4.0

The essay does not address the task prompt accurately. Instead of summarizing the line chart showing reasons for moving to a capital city, it discusses household spending in New Zealand and the UK. The task achievement is compromised as the essay does not fulfill the requirements of the given task.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the essay addresses the specific task prompt by summarizing the reasons for moving to the capital city as shown in the line chart.
  • Identify and report the main features of the line chart, such as trends and significant changes over time.
  • Make relevant comparisons between the different reasons for moving as depicted in the chart.
GRADED
4.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.5
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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