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BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYSIS OF E-COMMERCE PURCHASES BY INDUSTRY IN CANADA (2015-2019)

Explore comprehensive insights from our Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample on Canada's e-commerce industry from 2015 to 2019. Understand the evolving ecommerce landscape, with a focus on five key sectors. Delve into the rise - an average increase of 30 percent across industries and in manufacturing by as much as 25%. Understand the yearly fluctuations, including the 2017 downturn and the surge in 2019. Discover the continuous growth of construction and wholesale, contrasted by the lower growth in retail, information, and communication sectors.

Writing Task

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.5 Scoring and Feedback

The charts shows the 5 diffrent industries proportion of businesses making e-commerece purchases in country of Canada during 2015 to 2019 To abstract the charts mainly mention that the propertions were rised during this 4 years for about average 30 percent The maufacturing have had about 25 percent increasement since 2015 and the most mutations belongs to 2016 (yellow chart) the data also shows the falling indicator and statistics during 2017 but till 2019 the datas mention the achivement of 60 percent Both two construction and wholesale was always possess rising indicators and also they belong high varity of datas for average more than 35 percent during 4 years The last charts (retails , information and communications ) has lower variation range compare with others especially after the year of 2016 (second year) furthermore they has decreasement mutation for the last year of the experiment (2019) include nearly 5 percent reduction
Words: 151Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 11:03 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The essay attempts to describe the chart but lacks clear organization and logical flow, which affects coherence and cohesion. The structure is not clearly defined, and there are abrupt transitions between ideas. Additionally, some sentences are fragmented or unclear, making it difficult to follow the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'for example.'
  • Avoid abrupt shifts between topics; introduce each new point with a brief context or summary.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
  • Clarify the main points in each paragraph to ensure the reader can easily follow the argument.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay attempts to describe the chart using a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward expressions that hinder clarity. Terms like 'increasement' and 'mutations' are incorrect in this context. The use of 'rised' instead of 'rose' and 'propertions' instead of 'proportions' are examples of spelling mistakes that affect the lexical resource score. The essay does not consistently use precise vocabulary to describe trends and changes in the data.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary related to data description by practicing with similar chart descriptions.
  • Avoid spelling mistakes by proofreading the essay carefully.
  • Replace awkward expressions like 'decreasement mutation' with more appropriate terms such as 'decrease' or 'decline.'
  • Use correct and precise vocabulary to describe data trends, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' 'fluctuation,' etc.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay attempts to use a range of grammatical structures but contains numerous errors that affect clarity. Simple sentences are often used, and there are issues with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word forms. Complex structures are attempted but are not always accurate.

Recommendations:

  • Correct word forms, such as 'increasement' should be 'increase' and 'decreasement' should be 'decrease'.
  • Use more complex sentence structures to enhance the range, such as using relative clauses or conjunctions for better clarity.
  • Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence is complete with a subject and a verb.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as 'the charts shows' should be 'the charts show'.
  • Use consistent verb tenses, for example, 'were rised' should be 'rose'.

Task Achievement4.0

The essay attempts to address the task by describing trends in e-commerce purchases across different industries in Canada from 2015 to 2019. It mentions overall increases and specific changes in industries like manufacturing, construction, and wholesale. However, the descriptions are vague and lack precise data, making it difficult to clearly understand the trends.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise language to describe trends, such as 'increase,' 'decrease,' or 'fluctuate,' to improve clarity.
  • Provide clearer comparisons between industries to highlight differences and similarities in trends.
  • Ensure that the essay covers all industries mentioned in the chart equally, providing a balanced overview.
  • Include specific data points from the chart to support your descriptions, such as exact percentages for each year.
GRADED
4.5
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:4.0
Band Score:4.5
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure3
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement4
Complete response4
Clear & comprehensive ideas4
Relevant & specific examples4
Appropriate word count4
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