BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPARING NEWS ACCESS METHODS IN CANADA AND AUSTRALIA

Dive into this Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample comparing the preferred news access methods in Australia and Canada. Learn why Australians prefer online news while Canadians lean towards TV. Also, discover the reasons behind the low preference for radio news in both countries. A must-read for IELTS aspirants.

Writing Task

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

The pie charts compare the four ways of two countries accessing the news. In the general trend, watching news online is the most popular method for Australians while TV is the top preferred method of accessing news for Canadians. However, not a lot of people like to listen to news on the radio in Australia, which is the same as Canada. In Australia, around 52 percents of Australian residents listen to news online because it allows them to do this at home instead of going to the cafe to watch news. By contrast, in Canada, approximately 40 percents of people watching tv for news. This might be because of the reliability. The radio is not the best way for 2 percents of people, who live in Australia. Similarly, approximately seven percents of people living in Canada afraid of accessing the news on radio. The reason is that the radio may not be able to update all the informations.
Words: 158Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 07:35 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents information in a mostly logical order, with clear paragraphing and some use of linking words. However, there are issues with cohesion, such as inconsistent use of transition words and unclear connections between ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied and appropriate linking words to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'in contrast,' 'similarly,' or 'however.'
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and clearly connects to the next paragraph.
  • Clarify the relationship between sentences and ideas to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at variety. However, there are several inaccuracies and repetitive usage of words and phrases, which limit the lexical resource effectiveness.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms. For example, instead of repeating 'listen to news online,' consider 'access online news.'
  • Ensure correct usage of terms like 'percent' instead of 'percents.'
  • Use more precise language to describe data and trends, such as 'dominant' instead of 'top preferred.'
  • Use collocations correctly, e.g., 'access news' instead of 'listen to news online.'
  • Expand vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'media consumption,' 'news platforms,' or 'digital access.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors that affect clarity and accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use complex sentences to enhance grammatical range, such as combining related ideas into a single sentence.
  • Use the correct form of percentages: 'percent' should be 'percent' without an 's' (e.g., '52 percent').
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement: '40 percents of people watching' should be '40 percent of people watch.'
  • Avoid unnecessary articles and prepositions: 'listen to news online' should be 'listen to the news online.'
  • Correct pluralization: 'informations' should be 'information' as it is uncountable.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to describe and compare the ways of accessing news in Canada and Australia as shown in the pie charts. It identifies some key trends, such as the preference for online news in Australia and TV news in Canada, but lacks specific details and accurate data representation.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid adding personal assumptions or reasons not present in the data, such as why people prefer certain methods.
  • Summarize the main features more clearly, focusing on the most significant trends and differences.
  • Include all categories shown in the pie charts (TV, Radio, Print, Online, Not specified) and their exact percentages for both countries.
  • Make clear and accurate comparisons between the two countries, ensuring all relevant data is covered.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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